


Mallout

by PeacefulPhoenix



Series: Mallout [1]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: DeaCready, Drug addiction and rehab, F/F, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Improper Segway Use, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Multi, Recreational Drug Use, Scarf Girlfriends, Smoking, Swearing, Trash Mall AU, Valencock, Way too many references to the game, attempted kinkshaming, fallout shelter, terrible puns, tw heelys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5790259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeacefulPhoenix/pseuds/PeacefulPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of this: http://valencock.tumblr.com/post/137791999934/so-prongsied-and-i-over-a-skype-call-made-a</p><p>A modern/mall AU for all of the fallout companions. I'm not sure how stuff actually happens. Nick isn't either but he's the mall cop so he's got to make it all work. Or at least pretend it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nick Valentine: Mall Cop

Was it too much to ask for a single easy day? What if he could actually just get to work one day and take it easy for at least a couple hours? He used to wonder why the security guard had left the job but it all made perfect sense now. Everyone had said it would be an easy job. ‘You’ll get plenty of time to read your detective novels, Nicky!’ No money would be enough to deal with this. He hadn’t even had his coffee yet and he certainly didn’t have time to read.

“I refuse to write that on the cup!” Danse shouted over the counter at John and RJ. “That’s obviously not your name!”

“What do you mean? Of course my name is Daddy,” contributed RJ, shit eating grin spread from ear to ear.

The cup crushed in the barista’s grip. “And yesterday it was… something else.” His cheeks flushed a shade darker. “I’m not doing it.” The crushed cup was tossed in the trash and a new one replaced it. “So what’s your name?” The muscles in his jaw flexed as he tried ever so hard to keep his expression neutral.

“What names are you using this time,” Nick asked with a sigh, walking over and leaning against the counter. He should start keeping a record of how soon he had to break something like this up. Current record was apparently 20 minutes.

RJ and John exchanged glances then the former pointed to himself. “I’m Daddy,” he swept his hand to point to his friend. “And this is Little Boy.” Danse grew even redder. “We just want our coffee, officer. This man is trying to kinkshame us.”

Nick nodded his head towards the machines and the barista began making his morning coffee. “I think you two are doing a splendid job shaming yourselves all on your own.” He checked his watch. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work, John?” He began making a list in his head of other jobs that would take a one-armed man. It was a short list.

The purposely fake surprise just made Nick roll his eyes. “I thought this was my job!”

“Skipping work? Bad boy. Need me to spank you?” RJ waggled his eyebrows and John winked back. Nick took a sip from the coffee Danse had just handed him and paid, adding a healthy tip. 

“Hancock, MacCready, out.” Nick commanded as they got their coffees. “You know you can just kick them out, right?” Danse just slowly shook his head, staring at the floor and the security guard took it as his queue to leave.

He began doing his “patrols” if they could be called that. Preston had opened his pet store exactly on time as always - bless him for being one of the only responsible people here. The comic book store, arcade, and Victoria’s Secret were all open and the stand Cait sold protein powder at was not, as per usual. His eyes swept the stores and stalls and found most things exactly as they should be except… “Since when do you sell sunglasses?” 

Deacon pushed his own sunglasses further down his nose so he could see Nick better. “I got no idea what you’re talking about, officer. I’ve always sold sunglasses.” Every. Single. Day.

“Where is the guy that’s supposed to be doing this job?”

The man responded with a sickeningly sweet and evil smile. “You’re looking right at him.”

“Deacon… If I don’t see you at your real job within the next thirty minutes-”

“You’ll do what, arrest me?” Nick’s arms crossed across his chest. “Alright, alright, I’m going.” He stood, turning and heelying his way down hall. At first Nick had guessed he wore the heelys as a joke but now he honestly didn’t know. He didn’t even know whether he actually worked at Hot Topic or the bowling alley. Both had him listed as an employee.

After completing his rounds - and confirming that Deacon was in fact at the bowling alley - he went out back to have a quick smoke. People had been trying to convince him to vape but it just seemed wrong. Got just as much of the bad shit in ya but without the smoke. If he was going to slowly kill himself, may as well do it with the real thing. 

A slight pressure against his prosthetic arm made him turn. “What is it this time?” He turned his arm and found a robot sticker had joined the growing collection. In the beginning he had tried to take them off but they just kept going back on so he’d given up by now. “Very funny, jackass.”

“Aw, c’mon, Nicky! Learn to take a joke. You’re my favorite robot!” He considered for a second. “Okay maybe after BB-8 cause that thing is adorable.” John leaned against the wall beside him, taking a drag on a joint of his own.

Valentine side-eyed him. “Right in front of me? Really?” John raised an eyebrow at him. “Fine. Just this time though.” They sat in silence and smoked for a bit. Sure he could tell Hancock to get back to work but it wasn’t worth it. He just wanted to enjoy a smoke and he’d be damned if he let this kid ruin it. 

Piper, however, had no respect for smoke breaks. 

The camera flash was the first thing that alerted the two to her presence. “That was a great shot! Definitely using that one as my header!” She clicked through her camera before looking up and meeting the eyes of Nick then John.

“Piper,” Nick practically growled, tossing down his cigarette and rubbing it out with his shoe, “what have I told you about harassing me out here.” 

She put one of her hands up in defense. “You said I shouldn’t. Buuuut I figured if I didn’t bother you it was okay! And it was such a great shot! You and John were lined up perfectly and you just looked really cute okay and-”

“You didn’t think the flash or the babbling might bother us?” John was standing behind Nick, covering his mouth and desperately trying not to laugh. The slight shake in his shoulders betrayed him. 

“Jesus Nick, chill out! It was just a picture! Not like I held you at knifepoint and asked you about your sex life or something!” A slight blush spread over her cheeks as she stopped talking and looked away. 

A chuckle finally broke through. “Well that was rather specific. Sounds like you’ve got everything all planned out.” He took a step closer and whispered to her, loudly enough for Nick to hear. “Make sure to send me that article when you get it, yeah?”

“Why can I never find any peace in this god forsaken place,” Nick fumed as he pushed past the both of them, going back inside. It wasn’t long before he heard the tell-tale heavy footfalls of Hancock coming. “Whatever you’re going to say, no.”

John fell in step with him, unfazed. “I mean, I was going to ask if you wanted free candy or pizza or whatever. I’ll even pay if you insist. But I mean, if you wanna buy your own food, you do you I guess.” He started to walk away and this time it was Nick speeding up to catch him. 

He gave the man a once over. “What’s your angle on this. Cause if you want me to overlook the pot next time I can’t promise that.” 

“Ye of little faith,” he said, gasping and putting a hand on his chest like he was offended. “I just felt bad about the robot joke. Figured I should make it up to you somehow.” While Nick still didn’t quite trust him the rumbling in his stomach gave him little choice and he agreed. 

He had a feeling something was up because he’d never seen John apologize for a joke and yet, “Alright.” How could he deny free food? And how much could possibly go wrong over lunch?


	2. Instant Regret

Do you ever think something and immediately regret it?

As it turns out, a lot can go wrong over lunch. If Nick had been of the many mall patrons lucky enough to be milling about the food court perhaps he would have had a good laugh. But no. He was the one who had to fix everything. He was never letting Hancock “buy” him lunch again.

For one, he tried to just take the food and not pay. When he was caught he said he had paid and that he was with Nick so it was okay. “I’m with the cop. They can’t break the law!” he’d said as he walked back over to rejoin him.

Valentine pushed his chair out, standing and leaning forward onto the table with both hands. “Hancock… Go pay the good lady.”

“Or what. You’ll arrest me?” He looked way too pleased with himself for that joke. Or idea? Nick had given up on trying to tell when John was being serious after about 3 days of knowing him. 

He fixed John with a look. He’d practiced this look as soon as he figured out what sort of job this would be. It’s the ‘cut the bullshit’ look. He thought it was quite effective. “Yes, I will.” The other man narrowed his eyes as Nick did the same. 

Eventually he shrugged and paid her. “Not nearly as sexy when you’re being like that.” He joined Nick at the table again. “But later when you do arrest me, give me a heads up so I can grab some handcuffs from work. Much comfier.” Nick didn’t even want to think about what kinds of crazy handcuffs they had at Spencers or how much John probably played around with them.

There were very few things Nick could be thankful for recently. Right now, however, the absence of Piper was one of them. The rest of the world didn’t need to know about this. Honestly, how many people even cared enough about some mall cop with a fake arm and some punk with a drug problem who worked in the same place. Certainly there were more interesting things to read about. Like politics. Or murder. Or Twilight honestly. Nope he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say Twilight was better than his life. It hurt too much. 

John snapped his fingers in front of Valentine’s face. “Earth to Nicky! Anyone home?” Nick’s eyes refocused, meeting Hancock’s. “You totally spaced on me. It’s like you were the one smoking pot, not me,” he joked, leaning back and hanging an arm over the back of the chair.

“Maybe I was just enjoying some free food and a quiet moment.” 

“Nah. You had your thinking face on.” Nick’s eyebrows pulled together and he frowned just a bit. He didn’t think he’d been making a face… “Yeah just like that! Makes you look all dark and mysterious.”

All these compliments and jokes were starting to worry him. Where were the pranks and the insults? “No idea what you’re talking about.”

“You know what I think it is? I think it’s all those cop shows. They’re so damn dramatic. Bet you just mirror those, huh?” John pulled aviators from his pocket and put them on, trying to replicate the same perplexed face he’d seen Nick wearing. “It seems- No that’s not right.” He coughed and tried again, dropping his voice lower this time. “It seems the victim was stabbed. Initial reports claim he said ‘what are you going to do, stab me?’ Now that’s what I call irony.” He took off the shades and waggled his eyebrows at his companion in an obvious ‘how’d I do.’

“Nice try kid.” He tried so hard not to laugh. It was such a textbook, overused joke. Everything about it was cliche and yet he couldn’t help himself. 

“Nicky, you just got me $20, bless you. Deacon bet that you couldn’t laugh. Seems I put my faith in the right man!” Hancock stood and stretched his back out. “I should get back to the store. Let’s do lunch more often,” he said before turning to leave, rolling away on the heels of his shoes.

It took him a minute to believe his eyes. “Not you too!” he called after the man. Hadn’t heelys died out year ago? Weren’t they grown-ass men? He was already too far to get a response but he could’ve sworn he saw him flip double middle fingers. They really weren’t supposed to do that but something about the image was just too… Bizarre to make him care too much about the rules at the moment. 

Like always, he didn’t get to enjoy the moment for long before a kid was tugging at his shirt, tears welling up in her eyes. He crouched down to get on eye level with her. “What’s wrong kid. Did you lose your parents?” The mall wasn’t that big but it happened. Usually in the department stores but the food court was pretty common too. 

She shook her head and pointed behind her. “No. They’re over there.” 

“Then what can I do to help you?”

She twisted back and forth, tugging at her sleeves. “They told me to come and tell you that the man at the video game place was being a meany and that you should make him stop.”

Ooooof course he was. With how much people complained about X6 you’d think someone would have gotten rid of him by now and yet he was still here. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you go visit the Preston’s pet store and play with the puppies? They’re super soft, I promise.”

As he stood, the girl ran back to her parents who gave him a nod and a smile that he was happy to return. It was just a short walk to the arcade and he knew almost immediately what the problem was. X6 was playing DDR. 

Now that might not seem so out of place since he ran the place but he had a history with that game. Nick hadn’t worked here when it happened but apparently awhile back he had some sort of marathon. Story goes it was a slow day and so X6 had started playing DDR. But he didn’t stop. He had played for 6 hours straight and spend roughly 88 dollars before getting bored and stopping. Some people said that he was bet to do it, others say that someone was paying him 5 dollars for every song he did perfectly and that he had made $880. But no matter who’s story you believed the resounding theory was that he was a robot. They’d given him the codename X6-88 the next day. At some point even his records had changed to say that so Nick honestly didn’t know his name. 

He’d never tried to beat his record since then but he had made a habit of holding DDR tournaments. It appeared today was one such day. There was a line of kids waiting to go against him, each putting a dollar a bowl as they approached. The deal was, whoever beat him got all the money in the bowl. If no one had beaten him by the end of the day, he kept it all. He at least had the decency to put in the money to run the game. 

“X6, what did I say about gambling?” Nick leaned against the side of the machine, watching the current “battle.”

He held the mall cop’s gaze but continued to perform flawlessly. He could see why the others thought he was a government experiment or something. “This isn’t gambling. It’s a game of skill. There is very little chance involved. Furthermore, arcades are basically training children to be gamblers anyways. Most of the games are rigged or are rather impossible to win. And yet they keep coming back for more so don’t blame me if you don’t like it. I recommend you take it up with the people who ran the first penny arcades somewhere between 1905 and 1910.”

Smartass. “Shut it down.”

The game came to an end and to no one’s surprise, X6 had won yet again. Nick raised an eyebrow at him and with a sigh he reach into his pocket and pulled out a number of game tokens, tossing them down onto the edge of a machine. “Go find something else to play, guys. The man’s shutting down our fun.” As he walked away he cradled the bowl of money under his arm, whispering something Nick couldn’t quite make out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We actually did the math and if each song was just over 2 minutes and X6 played for roughly 6 hours, he would have played 176 games. At $.50 a game that’s $88.  
> My tumblr is 60-minuteman.tumblr.com and the person who created this AU is valencock.tumblr.com (they draw stuff for it) if you're interested.


	3. The Perfect Segway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick gets a Segway and everything goes perfectly. Why wouldn't it? How could anyone fuck up using a Segway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://sillyandquiteawkward.tumblr.com/post/137900204891/valencocks-mall-au-is-great-heres-nick-and-john is the story behind the beginning of this chapter because I loved it.

It had been a throwaway conversation he and John had over a smoke a few weeks ago. He had almost forgotten about it until that morning. But there it was. A god damned segway. Hancock would be very happy. Nick, however, felt ridiculous. Nora had been so excited to give it to him and he’d done his best to put on a good face for the boss but… Come on really? He should never have put in that request.

So now he found himself driving around, if this really could be considered driving. ‘Just don’t pay attention to the people giving you funny looks,’ he told himself over and over in his head. He was used to the strange looks for the most part. He’d started noticing them after getting his prosthetic but he could imagine this made the whole thing more ridiculous. The fuzzy kitten stickers that had recently joined his “collection” sure didn’t help. 

“Monsieur Valentine!” 

The soft, bright voice brought him back to the present. He hadn’t even realized he’d made it all the way to the Victoria’s Secret across the mall already. Maybe this thing wasn’t just a cliche piece of junk after all. He pulled to a stop in front of the store and got off. “Hi Curie, how’s business?”

“Wonderful as always!” She smiled and clasped her hands together in front of her. “What a wonderful vehicle! The science behind it is simply fascinating! It must have taken some very talented engineers to design. I would love to take it apart but of course then you would not be able to use it.”

Girl was smart as shit but he had to admit there were times he was a little scared of her. Like the time she had asked to “examine” his prosthetic. He got the sneaking suspicion she had wanted to dismantle it and hadn’t let her do anything of the nature thus far. “Yeah, you’d have to take that up with Nora. She’s the one that bought it.” 

“Perhaps I will do so. There are a number of other ways I believe efficiency could be improved around here. I noticed Monsieurs Deacon and Hancock have started wearing Heelys! It is very intriguing and I would love to know more about them. I believe we could move much faster if we all-”

Not her too! Nick had honestly believe she was beyond corruption and now this. “We’re not instituting a Heely Policy. And if we do, it’ll be to ban the damn things.” 

“But-”

“No.”

She huffed and crossed her arms. “If you believe this is the best course of action.” Her french accent made it nearly impossible for her to seem annoyed but she was sure as hell trying.

“It’s probably time you get back to work, Curie. Or back to studying, I suppose.” The store appeared to be pretty empty at the moment and Nick had seen her reading from science and medical textbooks on multiple occasions when there was low traffic.

He climbed back on the segway and rolled away once again. Cait was even at her booth today and damn near doubled over in laughter as he passed. Preston, on the other hand, gave a friendly wave as he passed, walking one of the dogs he had in the shop. This was the new puppy. If Nick didn’t live in a shitty studio apartment that didn’t allow pets he might consider adopting one. 

His rounds were finished about 30 minutes earlier than expected and the mall cop actually found time to sit by a fountain and pull out the book he kept in his messenger back. It hadn’t left since two weeks ago when Hancock had taken a day off. He tried to keep an eye on what was going on around him but a good murder mystery had a way of stealing his attention. 

He didn’t even notice that someone had been sitting with him for almost 10 minutes now until the man spoke. “Well if it isn’t my favorite private Dick, Valentine.”

“Hey Hancock,” Nick responding, turning the page and continuing to read. He didn’t even look up.

John’s jaw dropped open just a little bit. “Wait, you’re actually letting me get away with that one?”

With a sigh, Nick put the bookmark between the pages and closed it. Seems he’d be getting no further today but at least that was a couple chapters down. “Get away with what?” After returning the book to the messanger bag, he look at his arm. Nope, no new stickers. “What did you do this time?”

John’s eyes narrowed and studied Nick’s face. Any signs of deception? No… There was a little confusion and- oh. Yup that was a lot of irritation. “Know what, don’t worry about it.” He’d have to save the joke for a later prank. 

“So did you get those $20?” Nick stood, twisting and sighing happily when he heard the pops in his back. It felt good getting off his feet for a while. 

Hancock stood as well, strolling alongside the mall cop, pulling his hair into a hair band. Quite a lot of it still managed to escape and fall in front of his face. “Yup! He didn’t believe me at first but there were witnesses. Already spent it though…”

Nick climbed on the segway again and began rolling along at walking speed. Beside him, John was rolling along on his heels, glancing over at his companion about ever 5 seconds. “What on Earth do you want?”

“I wanna drive it.”

“No.”

“Oh come on! You wouldn’t have even got it if I didn’t suggest it! It’s totally fair.” And out came the puppy dog eyes. Damn those puppy dog eyes. Why couldn’t he just ignore them? He probably practiced them. 

Nick stopped and narrowed his eyes, sizing John up. “Fine. But don’t go too far and don’t screw anything up cause it’ll be on me.”

Hancock was nearly shaking with excitement. “Yes!” He smoothed back some hair from his face. “Don’t you worry, Nicky! I’ll take great care of it!” Somehow the reassurance made him more nervous. He had to cross his arms over his chest just to stop himself from reconsidering and stopping him. 

Tentatively, Hancock stepped onto the segway, sending it forward then backwards as he overcompensated. “Careful,” Nick warned, stepping forward and putting out his arm. He was zooming away before the mall cop even got close. “God damnit.” 

All was going relatively well until Kent Connolly stepped out from his comic book store to find the segway coming straight for him. His eyes went wide and the comics in his hands scattered on the floor but he seemed frozen in place. Nick sprinting down the hall but knew he wouldn’t make it in time. In the meantime, Hancock desperately tried to avoid him, pulling way too far to the left and running right into a booth. 

Not just any booth. Cait’s booth.

Everything stopped as Cait slowly stood, shoulders tensed and hands balled into fists as she turned, glaring down at John who was already laid out on the floor. “Hancock… What the fuck,” she growled, irish accent dripping from every word. 

Nick finally snapped out of whatever trance he was in as he saw Cait lunge forward, fist drawn back. She was pretty well known for her boxing - okay maybe more like brawling - abilities and it wouldn’t surprise him if she was able to kill John without breaking a sweat. She got in a good hit before he grabbed her arm, pulling it behind her back to stop her. 

It was then Deacon rolled by on his heelys, boombox on his shoulder, loudly playing playing Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Seek is the Mm Whatcha Say song for those who don’t know


	4. Mallout Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hancock is the kind of guy to spend hours on a mobile game

Most places in the store were rather easy for Valentine to visit. He’d go by the pet store pretty often to see Preston and would visit Danse and Maxson a couple times a day if not more for his coffee. There were a couple stores he had yet to get used to checking on. One was Victoria’s Secret. He always felt rude going there, as though he was intruding but Curie was always welcoming. Recently, she had even been telling him fun facts, mostly about film noir and detective stories. Today her fact was that noir was based as much on gangster films as it was on german expressionism and french realism and perhaps this led to the lack of happy endings.

The one store he hated to visit the most, though, was the one where John worked - Spencers. Sure there was normal stuff in the store. There were phone cases and t-shirts and hats and, hell, even socks, but there were also, well, adult things. Nick had never been able to get used to it and how Hancock managed to hang out in there all day selling the stuff to people was beyond him. He could barely walk in the door. 

Since he couldn’t see anyone from the outside, however, he was forced to do just that. “John, you in here?” he called, eyes carefully avoiding that section of the store. No response. Of course. Sure he’d had a break an hour and a half ago but why would that possibly stop him from leaving his store unattended - again - and screw off somewhere else. 

There was no one there and, well, he couldn’t say he wasn’t curious. It wouldn’t hurt if he took a quick look right? It was very clear, very quickly that he was out of his depth. Lingerie and dildos and handcuffs he understood of course but some of this was just… Were those vibrating panties? And those were… He wasn’t really sure honestly but the picture on the outside of the box made a blush spread across his cheeks. He had to get out of here. Searching for the “lost” manager provided a perfect excuse. 

Nick locked up the store just in case and went looking for him. He wasn’t in any of the bathrooms he usually used to smoke pot nor was he visiting Deacon who seemed to be working at Hot Topic today. “Come on, Nick!” the man had said as he walked out the door. “Buy a Silver Shroud shirt! You like that kinda stuff right?”

“Silver Shroud is crap,” the mall cop called back. “Nothing like the real thing!” 

He didn’t find John until he finally checked the roof that had been converted into a sort of lounge with some shitty lawn chairs and tables set up. Cait had tried to brighten the place up with some plants that she had been taking really good care of. She’d tried to get Nick to stop smoking up there in an attempt to protect them but she’d been ignored and they were doing fine. “Hancock, what the hell are you doing?” 

The man in question kept his eyes firmly glued on the screen of his phone. “You know, I really don’t like when we start conversations like this, Valentine. Why so formal? Just makes you sound like a dad and not in a sexy daddy kinda way.”

Valentine scoffed and walked closer, looking over his friend’s shoulder. “This is what you’re missing work for? Some dumb game?”

That actually managed to tear his eyes away from the screen. “Some dumb game? This isn’t some dumb game! This is the dumb game!” When Nick still looked confused John shook his head and leaned over, pulling a chair next to his, which his companion took a seat in. “This game is Fallout Shelter. You run this vault and you’ve got all these little people see? Each of them have stats and shit that correspond to the different room and the rooms produce things they need like food and water or health items. The higher the stats, the faster the resource is produced. Energy rooms keep the other rooms powered. You can also use clothes to boost up their stats.” He clicked through a number of the rooms, showing off the different outfits in each. 

“I used to have them all wear the same thing but it all looked so bland so I had them try on some different stuff. They’re a bit worse but my production’s going well enough I don’t need the extra few points. I’ve also got these rad pets. They do different stuff depending on the breed. Just look at this Maine Coon, Nicky! It’s so adorable! It helps my people train faster. I’m trying to max them all out but it’s taking forever.”

John was back to staring at the screen as he continued to ramble and show him the different parts of the game and explain his method. It was far too needlessly complex for him to understand honestly. “How much have you spent on this game?” Valentine asked, cutting him off mid-sentence. 

There was a pause and… was that a blush creeping into his cheeks? As far as he knew John never blushed or showed even a little bit of embarrassment. That bad? “$80…”

Silence. That’s all there was for it. $80 on a mobile game. “Aren’t you trying to save up for college?”

“$80 doesn’t make that much of a dent in that. It’s just one textbook really.” John sounded as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was Nick. 

“You really don’t have a life, do you?”

He saw the opportunity and immediately took it. “Nicky,” he turned to stare into Valentine’s eyes. “I have a life. You’re my life.” His gaze lasted a second too long and his expression was just a touch serious enough that it got him wondering. But it had to be a joke right? He was just reading too much into it, letting his emotions color what he was seeing. 

And as quick as it had happened, the moment was over. “Oh shit, deathclaws,” Hancock muttered to himself, fingers immediately flying across the phone, tapping and dragging and resizing. 

“Don’t you have a job to get back to?”

John threw his head back with groan. “Why must everything beautiful also hurt me so?” he asked no one in particular as he turned off his phone and slipped it into his pocket. “Walk me home would ya?” 

It wasn’t that long a walk but they took their time. One of the things that had drawn them together since they first met was the silence. Sure, they could talk and joke and smoke together all they wanted but very few people could be together in silence and feel totally comfortable. And they had that even if everything else around them went to shit. 

Piper sat on a bench not too far from the gated shop and the pair pretended to ignore her pretending to ignore them. Nick helped John reopen the store and said, “Stay in your shop this time alright?” He turned to leave but John caught his arm and pressed a new sticker onto it. A heart this time. Perfect. Just what he needed right now.

Hancock winked and began to walk inside. It was Valentine who stopped him this time. “I’m so done with things just happening to me at this damn job.” He didn’t know where it had come from and he didn’t mean to say it but there it was. John, who had turned to face him again, seemed equally surprised. He opened his mouth to talk but Nick’s metal hand came up, telling him to wait. “For as long as I’ve been working here everything’s just been happening to me and around me and I’m sick of it.”

Piper was on the edge of her seat, eyes glued on the scene and hands annotating what was unfolding before her. “Go on a date with me.” In his head, the sentence had sounded more like a question but reality had made it into a statement. “A real date at a real restaurant where we both dress up nice. Not some shitty lunch in the cafeteria.” There was a tense moment where the two men stared at each other, both faces emotionless before Hancock absolutely lost it. 

He clutched his stomach, doubling over in laughter, hair tumbling into his face, leaving Nick to shift his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably. Was it really that bizarre a request? “Oh god, Nicky,” he managed between giggles as he stood straight again, pushing back the hair as he rose. “You look so damn serious! And with Piper watching and everything, Christ.” Nick forced his shoulders down in an attempt to relax but it obviously wasn’t working. “Chill out would you? Of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

Nick actually managed a smile. “Now like you said, I got work to do,” John said, walking into his shop, a smile of his own plaster on his face.


	5. Cutie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt your regularly scheduled Bad Hat Boyfriends to bring you some Curie and friends

Curie always prided herself on getting an early start. Studies had shown that getting up early had many health benefits over going to sleep late and waking up late. Some other studies had shown that humans actually benefitted from waking up for an hour in the middle of the night but she had yet to do her own tests on that particular theory. 

Not to mention that having her store open early meant she had time to read before customers arrived and the shop starting buzzing with women. She found that other people made it considerably harder to focus, especially when many asked question. Many others found it difficult to look her in the eyes, however. She wonder why. They seemed to feel ashamed for being in here but did everyone not need underwear? Wearing beautiful and appealing ones like were sold here also helped boost self-confidence! 

Another benefit of arriving early was that so did several of the other shopkeepers, which gave many chances for lovely conversations in the morning. Many mornings she would get a tea from the Starbucks where Danse and Maxson worked. They were always so lovely and often got into short conversations about the best ways to brew coffee and tea or their favorite recipes.

Now Curie sat in her store, sipping her tea as her eyes raced across the pages on a textbook on the biology of sea animals. It really was quite fascinating! All life had descended from some of these life forms. In fact, some had even evolved to live on land then have millenia later returned to the sea. That’s why there were mammals that lived in the ocean. Their biology was perhaps some of the most intriguing to her. Deep sea animals with their odd lights and looks were also some of her favorites. 

As she approached the end of her chapter, she heard the soft twinkle of the bell on the door. She looked up to see Kent standing in the doorway, eyes cast down to the side. She could understand why a man might be embarrassed in such a store but it really wasn’t necessary. 

Her finger came up as she finished off the chapter and then she closed it with a small snap and slipped it under her desk with a silent promise to return to it soon. “Monsieur Kent!” Her hand waved him over so he came and leaned on the desk. “How lovely to see you this morning! Your fact of the day is that Joker, famous Batman villain, was originally planned to be killed off in a fatal accident in his very first comic appearance but the editor saw potential in him. I think he made a wise choice.”

“No kidding?” She shook her head. “Wow I can’t imagine how Batman would be without the Joker!” Curie found such joy in sharing knowledge so every morning before work she would compile a list of one fact for anyone that might come to visit her based on their interests. Many people would stop by just for a new fun fact. Kent got comic book and superhero facts, Nick Valentine got crime and noir facts, John Hancock got facts about music and drugs, and so on. 

Kent had not left though so she supposed today he had something for her as well. “So what has brought you to visit me today?” His head tipped down, a small blush and smile showing. He held out a small stack of papers and she gasped. “You’ve made more of your comic!” 

The comic book store employee had been writing and drawing his own comic book strips for several months now. The characters were mostly based on his friends and acquaintances from the mall. Some, such as Valentine, played daring super heroes while others such as Deacon played dashing rogues. Curie herself was portrayed as an intelligent doctor who came to the rescue of the other characters when they fell or faced a task they could not complete on their own. She loved it. 

“I should get back to work. Stop by later to bring it back and tell me what you think, would you?” he asked, meeting her eyes for only a second before looking away. 

“Of course, Kent. I would love to discuss the latest issue with you once I have had a chance to properly read it. It may not be until the end of the day.” He nodded and then was gone, leaving Curie alone to flip through the pages. It seemed in this issue Valentine and Hancock’s characters were pairing up. So she was not the only one to notice the two were spending more time together. 

She was only halfway through when another set of footsteps - heavier this time - approached her store. She looked up to see Cait walking into her store and quickly hid the comic below her desk. Kent was not very fond of others seeing his work, she had learned. 

Cait strolled through the store, looking at different bras and thongs without shame. That was definitely something Curie liked about her. She seemed to have no shame for anything she did, in fact. That was about where her admiration for the woman ended. Curie was not a fan of violence and it seemed Cait was. She had heard there had been an incident involving a segway, Hancock, and Cait a number of days ago. She sure hoped he was okay…

“I really gotta stop by more,” Cait mused as she made her way back to the front of the store. “You got lots of real nice shit in here.” She leaned forward over and desk with a sly little smile Curie definitely didn’t trust. “So what’s my fact today, Cutie?” It must have been a slip of the tongue, yes?

“Shuai jiao is a wrestling style over 4000 years old that originated in China.” She’d had that one for over a week now. Cait didn’t come to visit very often. Well, she came to the store but rarely said hello.

“That so?” Cait asked as she shrugged her shoulder. “Huh. Wonder if they would’ve put up a good fight.”

“I am under the impression it was very disciplined and about endurance and mastering your mind and body.”

She immediately seemed less interested. “Ah, well I mostly just like getting in a good scrap.”

There was a silence that stretched on for 30 seconds. A minute. Two minutes. Curie had to ask herself why she was still here and she couldn’t think of an answer. Cait usually wasn’t even here this early. “Is there something else I can do for you?” She asked, shifting in her chair uncomfortably. She didn’t like the way the other girl was looking at her. She could tell that she wanted something but not what. As far as she knew, she had nothing Cait would want.

Their gaze caught for a second and then Cait stood straight again. “Guess not. I’ll be seein you around then.” And just like that she was gone, her usual confident, aloof self. 

Curie got back to reading Kent’s comic and finished it just as her first customer got in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day? If I'm not careful people will start to expect this... I should have a chapter with our main boys up tomorrow. That's the hope anyways


	6. A Surprise Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we return to your regularly scheduled Valencock.

This wasn’t going to go well. Something was going to go very, very wrong. That’s how these things always went, right? God must have decided some time ago that Nick didn’t deserve to be happy. And yet here he was, trying to find his nice suit in the back of his closet and desperately hoping he could still fit into his nice pants. He hadn’t had this much chub the last time he had worn them. 

Smooth jazz played through his radio, a pathetic attempt to calm his nerves. Normally it may have done something but tonight it didn’t stand a chance. “I never should’ve asked him out,” Nick muttered to himself. “Stupid, impulsive move.” He hadn’t even been on a date in over a year, let alone with someone like John. Likewise, he was sure John had been on several and with people much better than him. He had a fake arm, for Christ sake! One currently covered in band logos, cats, and other random ass stickers to top it off. 

Too late to back out now.

So he put on the suit and managed to squeeze into the pants - with the help of a belt. If John didn’t dress up nice too… It didn’t take long to get the whole look put together and then it was just a short drive over to his house. The music in the car soothed him a bit. As he got closer and it struck him that it was actually happening he let himself begin to get excited. Even if nothing came of this, at least they had tried right? And he’d actually done something for himself for once. But that didn’t stop him from being nervous. He resorted to using his prosthetic for the driving since it wasn’t shaking at all.

When he pulled up to the house, he sat in the car for a minute or two, window rolled down. He tapped a cigarette out, lighting it and taking a drag, letting his left hand hang out the window as he blew out the smoke. Jazz played quietly and Nick let himself relax. This was no big deal. He just had to chill out and everything would go fine. 

By the time he had smoked about half the cigarette he was ready and stepped from the car, walking to the door, and knocking. When the door opened to reveal RJ, the smoke nearly fell from between his lips. “MacCready? What are you doing here?” 

“Hey Valentine.” He turned and called into the house. “Yo, John! The popo are here!” Without another word, MacCready disappeared once again into the house and was replaced moment later by Hancock. 

Well he certainly cleaned up well.

His hair still looked rather wild in places, but some had been pulled back into a little bun. The plugs in his ears had been replaced with rings, the hoops usually trailing up his ears had been replaced with studs. He had even worn a tie and vest that, admittedly, made him look rather skinny. It fit him well though and damn did he look good.

“Lookin’ good, Nicky!” Hancock said, strolling out from the doorway and shutting it behind him. The man in question followed him in a bit of a daze.

It took him several seconds to remember that maybe just maybe he should say something back. “Thanks. You don’t look so bad, yourself. Didn’t expect you to pull it off honestly,” Nick said, flicking the spent cigarette into the street.

As the car started up again, the jazz began playing once more. “Were you really listening to this? I knew you were kinda old fashioned but really?” John’s phone was out in moments, hooked up to stereo. “Alright, let’s see what I got…”

“My car, my rules,” Nick said, turning to give him a look before refocusing on the road. He checked back a second later when John didn’t reply to see this damn puppy eyes. Fuck. “Fine, but my music on the way back.”

A number of clicks played from the phone’s speaker before a song began. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked began playing and Hancock cranked it up and rolled down the window, letting the wind toss his hair around. It wasn’t something Nick would normally listen to but he supposed it wasn’t terrible. The instruments were a bit harsh but having listened to bits and pieces of the emo songs that he knew John listened to he knew that it could be much worse. 

He didn’t even notice the humming at first. It was a small sound swept away by the wind. But as the song went on, the sound grew stronger until Hancock was passionately singing along to the song. This kid was full of surprises. He could actually sing! He must have spent hours listening to this song because every word and every pitch change was matched perfectly and Nick desperately wished he didn’t have to be driving because he would have so loved to have watched him. 

A left turn instead of a right ensured they would take the long way and provide more time for the music, even if Nick wasn’t too fond of it. If John noticed, he didn’t say anything. As one song transitioned to another, so too did he with little to no effort. Did he always listen to these songs in this order or did he just know them that well?

When they arrived at the restaurant Nick was hesitant to actually leave the car. What if things weren’t as carefree after this as they had been before. John’s hand on his shoulder quieted his mind. “Let’s get inside, yeah?” His smile was easy as ever, head tipped just slightly to the side. Nick nodded and they walked in together, John’s hand returning as soon as it could. 

None of Valentine’s fears came to pass. The dinner was easy. Conversation was easy. They were easy. For once, he let his guard come down. There was no one else here to ruin this. For tonight, only the two of them mattered and he knew he could be safe with John. How he knew this he wasn’t sure. Perhaps the easy smile or how he had kept his promise to dress up. Something about him said this was okay. He could even shrug off the looks from the other restaurant patrons. 

There was only one thing that was still bothering him…

“So what was MacCready doing at your place?” he finally worked up the courage to ask. He didn’t expect to hear that the two were hooking up but at the same time, it wouldn’t exactly surprise him.

Hancock’s eyebrows knit together into a puzzled look until finally. “Oh! Right, you didn’t know did you? RJ and I live together. And before you ask, not like live together live together. It’s just cheaper and we’ve known each other forever. Made sense once we both moved out.” 

“I see.”

“I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you if I was banging him, believe me. Not that kinda guy to hide that shit. I prefer everything being out in the open.” That made Valentine relax and Hancock smile. He had never wanted to admit it to himself but the two had flirted constantly and he had assumed at some point it might be more than just jokes. 

There was a moment of silence as Nick tried to pick through his thoughts. “So,” he finally said. “Why did you agree to go out with me?” He hadn’t really meant to say it but there it was. Too late to take it back.

“What?” Their eyes caught and it was several very long moments before John continued. “I’ve liked you since I met you, Nicky. Kinda assumed you were straight so I never made a big deal about it.”

John occasionally wore plugs in his ears that bore the pansexual flag so it had never been a question to Nick but he had never thought that the other might not think the same of him. “Oh.” That earned a laugh from his partner. “Well I’m not.”

“I think that’s fairly obvious by now. The scene you made in front of Piper definitely got my attention.”

“I didn’t made a scene. I just asked you to go on a date with me.”

“Asked, demanded. Same thing right?”

Their friendly bickering carried on throughout the tail end of dinner and back to the car. “Before you get any funny ideas,” said Hancock, “I have a strict no sex on the first date policy so you can get that right out of your mind.” Nick wasn’t sure if he was joking or not but while he hadn’t thought about it before he certainly was now.

Trying to cover the blush creeping into his cheeks and the sudden dryness of his mouth, he coughed into his fist. “Of course not. Wouldn’t dream of it.” Did John really just pout? Talk about mixed signals. They would have to talk about that. 

On the ride home Nick learned that his companion could apparently sing along to jazz as well. As if his heart hadn’t had enough tonight. When the car came to a stop in front of his house, John leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. Well if his heart hadn’t given out before it sure had now. 

“See you at work tomorrow,” he called over his shoulder as he jogged to his front door, leaving Nick a dazed and delighted mess. He couldn’t wait.


	7. Batteries Not Included

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hancock learns some important lessons about Valentine's prosthetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on I’ll put up a chapter once every two days

The sound of raised voices caught Nick’s attention, pulling him to the pet store. This again? Really? “What seems to be the problem,” he asked, stepping into the store. Preston stood behind the counter, arms crossed across his chest, staring down the customer on the other side of the counter who held a fish bowl in his arm.

“Thank god,” the man said, turning to face Nick. “He refuses to sell me a fish and bowl.” Yup, this again. 

The mall cop nodded and walked behind the counter, putting his real hand around Preston’s upper arm. “Let’s go talk about this alright.” After several seconds he agreed. “We’ll be right back to get you your fish, sir,” Nick said as they stepped into the back.

“Fish deserve better than a tiny bowl like that,” Preston started as soon as they were alone. “It won’t have space to swim and it’ll get depressed and he’ll probably poison in by not changing the water!”

“Garvey, you got to listen to me. It’s. A. Fish. Who cares? They usually die in a few months anyways,” Nick said with a sigh. They had been over this. 

“Not if you take care of them,” he muttered. “What’s the point of me selling him the fish if it’s just going to have a terrible life. It should get a real, loving home.”

“Sell the man the fish. And the bowl. If you don’t like it you can quit afterwards.” After some tense silence Garvey returned to the store and got the man the fish. Nick knew he wouldn’t quit so he returned to his patrol. 

And no sooner had he stepped from the store that he saw Deacon rolling down the hallways on his heels followed a minute later by Hancock who tried to slow and give him a kiss on the cheek without stopping. He tripped but recovered, actually pulling it off and then gliding away. Well that was one way to start the day.

“Fuckin’ finally,” Cait muttered to herself, apparently not realizing she had said it allowed.

“What?”

Never one to back down, she turned to face him and responded. “You guys have been flirting for as long as you’ve been working here. We have a betting pool about how long it would take. Well, had apparently.” She looked up for a second, lips moving wordlessly. “I think Curie won… I was betting it would happen earlier.”

Really? Why didn’t anyone mind their own business here? He turned to leave without answering. At least Piper was open about it. 

He spent the next several hours avoiding everyone. There had been a small incident in the music store when Travis’ stuttering had kicked in when a particularly pretty customer had come into his store and tried to flirt with him but aside from that the day had been quiet. As he sat on the roof during a break smoking a cigarette he found his eyes drifting shut. 

Nick had no idea what time it was when he woke up but he could feel something pressing against his right side. A quick look showed Hancock’s head resting against his shoulder. How long had John been here? For that matter, how long had Valentine been here? Were they really holding hands?

The other man woke pretty easily when Nick shook his shoulder. “Good morning, sunshine,” he mumbled, half-lidded eyes looking up at his. “What time is it?”

“I was hoping you could tell me. What are you even doing here?” 

That thought was put on hold as John tried to free his hand from his boyfriend’s. “Uhm, love holding your hand and all, Nicky, but think maybe you can let go? We should be getting back to work.”  
He tried but it his prosthetic refused to move. “Damn thing is working.” He rolled up the sleeve on his shoulder to reveal the point where flesh turned to plastic. Hancock pulled his fingers free after a bit of effort so he could turn and take a closer look.

“What do you mean it’s not working? Is it broken? How much does it cost to replace it? Why did it break? Are you going to be able to manage without using it?”

“John-”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” He actually did what he was told for once and sat back. Nick’s functional fingers tapped over each electrode, verifying it was in fact still connected. They were so that wasn’t the problems. Each joint did as directed when he used the other hand to move them so no problems there. Oh of course. That’s what it was. “Battery’s dead. Thank god that’s it because these things are expensive to replace.”

That answer seemed to baffle him. “Wait, what do you mean? Your arm runs on batteries?” Nick nodded. “How do you even charge it? Or do you have to buy new batteries? It doesn’t run on double As does it?”

“I just plug it in.” He turned his arm and pointed to a small hole. “See? Cable goes right there. Usually charge it while I sleep but I must have forgotten last night.”

Hancock nodded gravely as if this was some serious, dark thing. “But what if you need to get up in the middle of the night and piss and forget it’s plugged in?” His face looked just as serious as it had before he asked. Did he honestly think that was a concern? 

“Cables can come out on their own you know.” Nick stood, rolling both his shoulders back then sticking his left hand in his pocket. “Come on,” he said as he walked back towards the door inside.

The sole’s of Hancock’s shoes slapped against the cement as he jogged to catch up and open the door for his partner. “Is there anything you need? Will you be able to drive?”

That was the most satisfyingly disappointed sigh Nick had made in quite a while. “I was able to function before getting this thing you know. You don’t have to treat me like a child in need of protection. I can take care of myself.”

John looked almost hurt and Nick felt a twinge in his chest. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. “You don’t have to take care of yourself though. I can help.”

“And if I need help, I’ll tell you okay?” Nick couldn’t deny that he sure sounded sincere and it was sweet but he was making way too big a deal out of it. “Just treat me like a normal person until then okay?”

John had been nodding along until that last bit when a smug little smirk spread across his lips. “Nicky, you’re hardly a normal person. You’re too pretty to be normal and frankly I refuse to treat you as anything less than the wonderful man you are!”

The man in question quirked up an eyebrow. Another move he had been practicing. “You know that moment we were just having? Yeah you ruined it.” He laughed as he spoke anyways. “I’ll take that ride home if it’s still on the table.”

“For you? Always.”

“Shut up.”

“Never.”

It was obvious in the looks the two got walking through the halls together that people assumed they had been up to less than pure activities. He couldn’t say he minded though a slight blush did creep into his cheeks as he considered it. Maybe one day they would right. Hancock, of course, was just making it worse by basically hanging off of him as they walked. Did John have a bet in the pool? No… He wouldn’t have would he?

They didn’t see eachother again until the end of the day - in fact Nick had avoided nearly anyone, not wanting to explain they had both just fallen asleep. It was a relief when he met up with John and saw the carefree smile on his face. 

“You ready to go?” he asked, keys ring spinning around his finger absentmindedly. “And I don’t think I know where you live.” They began walking towards the garage, footsteps in time with each other. 

It wasn’t too long a drive but a good few minutes past John’s place. They came to a stop and the engine turned off. “What are you doing?”

“I’m walking you in.”

“No you’re not.” Nick’s protests fell on deaf ears as the driver’s side door clicked shut again. They really had to work on his listening abilities. Nick joined him outside of the car. They said nothing to each other as they approached the door though John did whistle a cheery tune. Why was it so hard to get angry with him?

The lock clicked open and the two entered. Nick tossed the keys onto the table in the kitchen and went to the bedroom, returning a minute later with a cable only to find John digging through his fridge. “Sure, help yourself to my food.”

“Thanks!” He couldn’t tell if he had missed the sarcasm or ignored it. Nick plugged his arm into the cable which he in turn plugged into the wall then sat at the table and pressed open his newest book. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just take off the arm?” Yeah he was not going to get any reading done while Hancock was here. 

“I prefer not to take it off while other people are around.”

“I’ll leave if you want but it’s really not something you gotta be worried about.” Nick wasn’t sure whether it was how sweet and sincere he sounded or how much he wanted someone to see and not react badly but he found himself rolling up his sleeve to take it off. 

Hancock watched in wonder as it came off and revealed the stump. He at least had the decency not to ask what happened but Nick knew not to misinterpret the glimmer in his eye as respect or something to that effect. “See? Not the prettiest thing ever.”

“I think it’s amazing,” he said, catching Nick’s eyes. John ended up staying for several more hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve done a lot of research about prosthesis for this story and I wanted to use it okay? Further information: The prosthetic is myoelectric meaning it doesn’t need cables which is why it’s battery powered. It actually picks up the signals sent from your brain to your muscles then amplifies them so the prosthetic picks it up! How cool is that?! Science~


	8. High Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick Valentine is a cop which means he can't break the law ever. It's impossible.

Valentine awoke to the blaring of his alarm. He reached out his right arm to slam down the snooze button but nothing happened. As he opened his eyes and turned he saw why. The prosthetic had spent the night in the kitchen as it did most days. He forgot nearly every morning. The alarm clicked off and he sat, digging the heel of his palm into his eye. 

It was then he heard the running water. Had he left something running overnight? He hadn’t taken a shower. So who- oh right. Hancock. Nick had left his car at work obviously so he had volunteered to stay and drive him in the next morning. 

By the time the shower turned off breakfast was about ready. Hancock found his way into the kitchen, water still dripping from his “mane” as he had called it a number of times. “Are those pancakes?” Thankfully John had remembered to at least put on some pants but his chest was still very bare and you could actually see his ribs. And pierced nipples. He wanted to say he wasn't surprised but, well, he was.

“Yup. If you’re in my house I’m making you eat something.” Nick tried very hard not to look and yet, here he was doing just that, surveying his boyfriend’s chest from the corners of his eyes. Was he always this skinny? And yet he had to look away as a blush crept into his cheeks. “Finish up, we gotta go in soon.”

Hancock didn’t have to be told twice and shovelled the pancakes into his mouth, breaking only to say a muffled, “You still don’t have your arm on though.”

“I can take care of that.” He did with the help John had insisted he take. Honestly, he got in the way more than anything but it was a nice gesture. 

It was a short drive to work and the only thing that made this morning seem any different than another was that they got their morning coffee together. Maxson didn’t even bat an eye. Thank god for the baristas mostly avoiding the rest of the staff. Hancock had even managed to find a different shirt than the one had worn yesterday. This one was black and simply said ‘cool’ in comic sans. 

Nick saw glimpses of his boyfriend throughout the day as he did his rounds but by the time their break rolled around, he could find no sign of him. “You just couldn’t make it easy, could you?” he muttered to himself as he went out in search of him. “It would be too convenient to meet at the store. More fun to go on a hunt right? Definitely won’t waste our time.”

Deacon rolled by, stopping to do circles around Nick. “Sorry to break it to you, Valentine, but there’s no one here to listen to you unless someone here is invisible. If so, hook me up with whatever tech he’s got cause I definitely want to give that a shot.”

“You’re irritating enough as you are. I don’t think giving you invisibility would help that.” The circling continued. He tried so hard to ignore it. “Be helpful or get back to work.”

He put on one of his shit-eating grins and Nick had to remind himself strangling employees was certainly against the rules. “Help with what?” When it was clear he wasn’t going to get an answer, Deacon drifted away. 

It took several attempts but Nick knew he had found the right place when he walked into the bathroom and smelled the weed. “What did I say about smoking in here?”

John wasn’t even trying to hide it. He put out his arms, wrists up. “Arrest me, daddy,” he said in a voice that was way more seductive than Nick was ready for, joint held between his lips. His collar got tighter and his cheeks hotter than he would have liked. “Or if you’re not going to cuff me at least join me,” John said, holding it out when it became clear he wasn’t going to get arrested.

“I’m a cop,” Nick replied simply, arms crossed over chest.

“Oh man shit you’re right. That means you can’t break the law ever. And you never ever let someone else off the hook right?” He couldn’t help but giggle as he said it.

There was a moment of tense silence as Nick processed his options. Hancock seemed to handle being high just fine so would it really be that big a deal? Probably not. As long as they didn’t take too long no one would have to know, right? 

He reached out to take the joint, bringing it to his lips and taking a long drag. “Just this once,” he said as he let out the smoke. Hancock’s eyes followed the smoke to the ceiling in awe. He seemed pretty distracted so Nick just held onto it for a while. It didn’t take too long to kick in and then he could understand his boyfriend’s fascination with the smoke - the way it drifted lazily, furling and unfurling in hundreds of different ways. 

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

“Guess I’m full of surprises.” His eyes roamed over Hancock, lazy smile taking up residence on his lips. That blonde-orange hair that seemed to always be in tangles, the piercings littering his face and ears - he couldn’t help but wonder where else he might have pierced - and his big dumb nose. He didn’t have any right being this attractive. 

Before he knew he was doing it, he had his hand on Hancock’s chest, eyes trained on his lips. He really didn’t like it when things always just happened to him and so far he’d been the one of the receiving end of kisses. But then John’s hand was on his cheek keeping him where he was. “You sure you want this to be our first kiss, Nicky? You’re not thinking straight.”

“You’re right. I’m thinking pretty damn gay right now.” Valentine tried very hard to say it with a straight face but couldn’t help but giggle just a little bit.

“Jesus fucking Christ, this is the best idea I’ve ever had,” John replied with a laugh of his own. 

The door to the bathroom clicked open and neither noticed until a loud cough drew their attention away from each other. Before them stood a very heavily blushing Danse. “Sorry to… interrupt but there’s a kid in my store who can’t find her mother.”

Well that wasn’t how this was supposed to go. 

“Give us a moment, would you?” John practically purred, pulling Nick closer. Well there goes his concentration all over again. Danse was gone in seconds. He liked being this close he decided. “You ready to go and pretend to be clean?”

“Not if you keep standing this close. Makes me feel real dirty.”

They both erupted into a fit of giggles that lasted much longer than it should have. “Come on,” John said, pulling Nick out into the mall by his arm. 

Danse was waiting just outside, back to the door. When he saw them emerge he led them with a brisk walk back to the store. “She’s right over here.” The kid in question sat on one of the stools at the counter, very focused on the cookie between her hands. Maxson kept glancing to ensure she was there in between making drinks and taking orders. 

Danse went to sit next to the girl who immediately turned to him with a giant smile and held out her cookie. “No thank you,” he said and she went back to nibbling on it herself. “Can you tell Mr. Valentine what you told me?” She nodded.

“I was at the Macy’s with my mommy and there was something really pretty and I wanted to look at it and I asked mommy if I could but she wouldn’t listen to me and I went to look at it and when I came back mommy wasn’t there. I couldn’t find her in the whole store!” Her eyes met Valentine’s and he had to wonder if all kids were this good at puppy dog eyes. “Will you find my mommy?”

At the same moment Hancock leaned over his shoulder and whispered into his ears. “Hey, what if it was aliens, Nicky. What if they abducted her mom?” Don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh. 

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Stacy.”

“Alright, come with me, Stacy. We’ll go find your mom.” It didn’t take long. She was at the front desk of the Macy’s berating the employee behind the counter as if it was somehow his fault the kid had wandered off. “Excuse me, ma’am, but it’s generally considered poor taste to go off on people for something that’s your fault.”

Everyone fell silent and everyone involved turned to look at him wide-eyed except Stacy who seemed quite pleased actually. “Your kid tried to get your attention, you ignored her, and then abandoned her so from where I’m standing this is your fault.” Both Hancock and the kid couldn’t hold in their giggles anymore. “Don’t let it happen again.”

The boyfriends left the store together and Nick led them to the security office. “You’re kinda hot when you’re act all in charge and stuff you know,” John said, finding a seat on top of the desk. In almost no time Valentine was standing in front of him, hands on the desk on either side of him. “I should get you high like this more often.”

His eyes found their way to Hancock’s lips again and he leaned in. “You gonna let me kiss you now?”

“Hell yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that I have never actually smoked pot so this is all just based on research I've done and stories I've heard. Sorry if it was a little off.


	9. Scarf Girlfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Ellie Perkins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a comic version of some of the events in this chapter go look on Valencock.tumblr.com

It was a chilly winter day and Valentine found himself waiting in line for his coffee with one Ellie Perkins at his side. Her hair was done into perfect curls as always and was adorned with a red cap. A pink striped scarf wrapped around her neck and the smile she made as she and Nick talked was bright and friendly. His smiles came easily in return. Hell, even Maxson seemed friendly with her! 

MacCready and Hancock stopped outside the Starbucks, watching the two. “Damn she’s cute. I’d tap that” RJ whispered to his friend as they stepped into line. 

“No kidding. Looks like she’s got her eyes on Valentine though,” Hancock replied. He wasn’t worried. Things had been going great for them recently and one cute girl wasn’t going to get in the way of that, no matter how cute she was and how easily Nick was talking to her. 

MacCready paused to order then turned to his friend again. “Maybe you should try and convince him to do a threeway. Cause if you don’t I might just try my luck.” Nick and Ellie left the store, both drinks in the mall cop’s hands. “Might wanna act quick though. Seems like she’s got him wrapped around her finger already.” 

As Nick walked away Hancock found a smile spreading across his lips. “Maybe that’s not a bad idea.”

It wasn’t until their first break that there was a chance to bring it up. The mall cop was already there when John arrived, leaning against a wall, unlit cigarette in his mouth. He wasted no time in pulling out a lighter and smoke of his own. The distance between them closed quickly and their faces nearly met as the lighter clicked on and lit both of the cigarettes at once. Nick’s hands found their usual place on Hancock’s waist and pulled him closer. 

“Aint it usually the guy pressed against the wall getting pushed around,” Hancock chuckled, blowing a stream of smoke up to the sky. “Not that I mind of course.”

“Pretty sure it’s always me,” Nick replied, fingers on his prosthetic hand holding just a little tighter to prove the point. The cigarette found a temporary home between his real fingers as he pressed a line of kisses to his boyfriend’s jaw. 

A satisfied hum found its home on Hancock’s lips as he tilted his head back to let Nick get at him easier. “Hey, who was that hot brunette chick you were flirting with in Starbucks earlier?” He made no attempt to hide the implication in his voice. But then the lips disappeared from his skin and he groaned. Damnit. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to ask. 

He met Nick’s eyes again and found the cigarette between his lips once more and his eyes narrowed in rather obvious annoyance. “My sister, Ellie,” he mumbled around the smoke.

Hancock’s eyes went wide and there was a very long moment of silence. Or maybe it just felt long to him. Oh shit. He had said exactly the wrong thing then hadn’t he? “Oh god, I’m an idiot,” he whispered to himself.

“MacCready was with you this morning right?” He nodded. “Well tell him I’ll kick his ass if he touches her.” 

“Yes sir,” said Hancock immediately, face turning just a shade pinker upon realizing what he’d said. 

Nick glared down at him, blowing smoke out the corner of his mouth. “Did you really just-” The mischievous twinkle in his eyes confirmed it and his stomach seemed to do flips. “Just don’t call my sister hot again.” He nodded and in second his lips were at Hancock’s. 

They wasted no time and it wasn’t long before Nick was biting and sucking at John’s lower lip until his lips parted. Seconds later they had turned, cigarettes dropping to the ground as the cop pushed the other to the wall. Their worlds were totally focused on each other until there was a flash. 

The kiss broke apart, leaving each breathing just a little harder than they would normally. Before them stood Piper, camera in hand. “I will break that damn camera if this keeps happening,” Nick growled. 

“Now that’s just not nice, Nicky.” Oh god. This just kept getting worse. Ellie stepped out from behind Piper. “It’s a film camera! They’re kinda pricey these days.”

Nick stood up straight, smoothing out his shirt then rubbing his temple. “What are you doing here, Ellie? I thought I told you to go shopping or something.”

John was frankly impressed by how absolutely free of shame she was. He liked his kid. “To be fair, this is something. You see, I met Piper here - saw her scarf and just had to ask where she got it - and she told me some really interesting things about you and Johnny here. I’m assuming that’s who you are?” She leaned over to look past Nick at the man still leaning against the wall, checking his hair in his phone.

He looked up and flashed a winning smile. “Guilty as charged.”

She stood up straight again with a little smirk of her own. “He’s cute! I approve.”

“You know sometimes I regret encouraging you to try and become a detective.” 

The smile on his lips and her own proved they both knew he didn’t. “I already know you’re proud. You don’t have to shove it in my face so much.”

Now that he could actually hear them talking it was obvious to Hancock that they were siblings. No one else bickered like that. John and his brother had never had quite that relationship but he’d seen it enough with his friends. Not to mention they did look remarkably similar. No wonder he’d found her cute. 

“You guys go have fun. I should be getting back to work,” John said, pushing himself away from the wall. 

Nick grabbed his wrist as he passed. “You sure that’s okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. We’ll just have to find more time later,” he said, looking up through his eyelashes before laughing and pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “See you ladies around.” 

Nick was left with Piper and Ellie, one on each of his sides. “So what’s the story here?”

Piper was the one to talk up this time. “I saw you and Ellie this morning and knew there must be a juicy story there so as soon as I saw you guys split up I decided to investigate.”

“It helped that she was cute and had a nice scarf too. I did actually ask her where she got it,” Ellie interjected. 

Piper’s cheeks flushed pink at the ‘cute’ comment but carried on as if it hadn’t been said. “I didn’t remember though. I got it forever ago. But I found out after talking to her for a little bit that she was actually your sister which explained that whole mystery.”

“And she told me the darndest things about you, Nicky.” There was that mischievous glint in her eyes he’d learned to fear. “You never told me you had a boyfriend, let alone a hot one! And obviously it’s not a new thing,” she said, gesturing behind her towards the roof.”

He played it cool, hands fitting into this pockets. “You’ve got school to worry about. Didn’t think you’d care about my boring old life.”

“Boring? You and John do crazy stuff all the time!” Piper interrupted. “Like the time you two got high together.”

Ellie’s eyes went wide. “You got high?! Is this boy a bad influence on you, Nicky?”

“I definitely don’t like you two being together.”

“Too bad. We’re going out on a date later,” Ellie commented, a slight skip in her step. A blush spread on Piper’s cheeks. “So it looks like you’re going to be stuck with us.”

Nick massaged his forehead and sigh. “Wonderful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also released an angst Mallout AU story today. It's called A Perfect Wreck and it parallels the events of this story up to chapter 7. I recommend reading it obviously but it won't have an effect on this story. It was written for Valencock on tumblr


	10. RJ MacDaddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacCready has a kid named Duncan

It was about 11:30 in the morning on a Saturday and RJ MacCready was just now starting a coffee. His head throbbed under the vice-like grip of a hangover. His work had given him the day off today so he’d gone all out last night. He’d invited a number of people from the mall where John worked but even the ones he hadn’t invited had felt it was okay for them to show up. 

Cait was one of those people and had shown up later than the rest of them. If he could remember correctly she had even tried hitting on him and she was totally hot so normally he would be all about that but… Well Cait terrified the shit out of him. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t have a problem ripping his arms off. MacCready wasn’t sure if he liked that or not. Deacon had been the one to finally rescue him and drive him home. 

It wasn’t until the second set of knocks against the door that he realized it wasn’t just his head. 

“John, door,” he yelled, pouring his coffee into a mug. No answer. “John!” If he was asleep so help- No wait. He and Nick had left together last night hadn’t they? RJ groaned, digging the palm of his hand into his eye. The knock rung through the house again, louder this time. “I’m coming!” He called. “Calm your tits,” he muttered to himself. 

It took him a few seconds to shuffle to the door and get the locks undone. He opened the door to find a woman in a suit and a kid standing next to her. Well now he felt really out of place in his old sweatpants and wifebeater. “If you’re selling something I’m really not interested. Bringing the kid was a nice tactic and all but it isn’t gonna work on me.”

She seemed unfazed. “Are you Mister Robert J. MacCready?” she asked, reading from a clipboard then looking up. 

A sigh escaped his lips upon realizing he’d have to actually deal with this, let them get out their pitch or whatever. “Yup. That’s me. Care to tell me what this is all about?”

“You were once involved with a woman named Lucy. Is that correct?”

His breath caught in his throat and it took a second before he could answer, his mouth now dry. “That’s right.”

The woman took note of that but continued as if nothing had happened. “Were you aware that she had a child?”

“The kid- Is he-” Oh god now he felt really shitty about the comment about it being a persuasion tactic! 

The kid stepped forward after her guided him to do so. “Mr. MacCready, meet your son, Duncan.” The sound of his name prompted him to wave a little, shifting weight from side the side the whole time. Poor guy was shy. 

“So what happens now? Why can’t Lucy keep taking care of him?”

A quick glance at the clipboard. “She was detained for felony drug crimes. As Duncan’s father you’ll be taking possession.”

“Like… Like right now?”

“That is correct.”

Well fuck. “Gotcha… Well then come on in, Duncan.” He looked up at the woman who nodded and he walked forward. The door closed with click after a promise that the woman would be back to confirm his place was suitable to live in for the kid. 

The house was a mess right now. Clothes and bottles and other junk were scattered around on the furniture and floors. This was definitely not child safe. “Hey, that’s not for kids,” he snapped as Duncan examined a bag of pot. Yeah this was going to be a challenge. 

“You hungry, kid?” MacCready crouched down so he could be at eye level. Didn’t help much cause the kid just looked away. You know, he did actually kinda look like his mom. “Did you eat breakfast?” There we go. A nod this time. That was progress. “Well what about lunch?” No. “What kind of food do you like?” Duncan seemed to think a shrug was the only necessary reply. Right…

When they reached the kitchen, he lifted the kid up to sit in one of the stools at the counter. “How about a peanut butter and jelly?” They had the stuff for that right? Surely… As he made the sandwich he pulled out his phone and dialed Hancock, tucking it between his ear and shoulder as it rang. 

 

A very drowsy man picked up. “Sup?”

Sup? That was it? “There’s a fuckin’ kid here, John! That’s what’s up.”

“You said a bad word,” Duncan said quietly, kicking his feet in the air. 

Hancock busted up laughing on the other end. “Dude did you just get told by the kid?” 

“What kid?” Nick Valentine said from the background. 

“Apparently there’s a kid back at my place. Is it yours?”

“Yeah. And Lucy’s. Seems she got arrested so I have custody.”

“I didn’t know you and Lucy had a kid.”

“Yeah neither did I.” When the sandwich was finished, MacCready put the plate in front of the kid who immediately began picking at the crust. “Would you just get back here soon?” Hancock agreed and they hung up. 

He put down the phone then looked up to see Duncan staring at him, the sandwich half-eaten. “Is something wrong?”

“You’re supposed to put a dollar in the swear jar.” He took another bite, seemingly satisfied with how he had completed his goal. 

A swear jar? Really? “Is that something your mom did?” He nodded and MacCready started searching through the cabinets with a sigh. He finally found a jar that would probably work. It was definitely not going to be big enough. A dollar from his wallet became the first to go in. “So who gets the money in the swear jar?”

The question seemed to confuse the kid. “No one gets the money. That’s why you’re not supposed to swear.” Duncan wiggled off the seat and picked up his now empty plate, walking it over to the sink and putting it on the counter. They really had to do the dishes…

“So I’m assuming the suitcase has your clothes,” It was so tiny that he doubted much fit in there. “But what about toys? Did you bring any?”

“They told me I wasn’t supposed to. Do you have legos?” How old were kids supposed to be to play with legos? How old was he? Probably about 4. That’s about how long ago he’d been with Lucy. 

Didn’t matter for the moment though. “No I don’t think we do.” This was about to get real expensive. “We could go to the mall and get some. Does that sound good?” A nod. “Alright. Let's put your suitcase in my room okay?” Either he or Hancock was sleeping on the couch for a while. Fun…

The man in question walked in just then. “I’m back, bitches!”

“Swear jar,” Duncan and RJ said in unison. John looked downright dumbfounded until he pointed to the jar on the counter. “You swear, you put a dollar in the jar.”

After doing just that Hancock walked over and crouched in front of the kid. “So you’re Duncan? I’m John.” He put out his hand and the kid shook it. “How old are you, little man?”  
He held up 4 fingers. “Wow! You’re pretty old huh?”

“Not as old as you,” Duncan replied with a giggle. 

Hancock started laughing too. “You’re definitely your dad’s kid.” He stood up again and put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Anything you need me to do?”

MacCready tried to puzzle out how on Earth John was so good with him. As far as he knew John had no kids and never interacted with them. “Yeah. Can you clean the place up? Don’t want him getting into anything bad, you know?”

Once Duncan and RJ were alone in the car, he started talking again. “Is John a boy or a girl?”

Well that came out of nowhere. “He’s a boy. Why do you ask?” Was this the kind of thing 4 year olds thought about? He’d have to do so much damn research tonight. 

“He has hair like a girl but a boy’s name.” The kid stared out the window, eyes following the cars they passed. 

MacCready risked a glance before refocusing on the road. “Boys can have long hair too, you know.” There was silence once again until they arrived. 

And as soon as they did they ran into a remarkably familiar sunglass wearing bald man. “Why are you working at a t-shirt stand today, Deacon?” 

“It would ruin the fun if I told you,” he replied in a sing-song voice, turning to look at him. “Seems like you have secrets of your own though don’t you, RJ? Seems like someone’s a daddy after all.” His sunglasses slipped down his nose so he could see the laugh in his eyes. 

“Shut up.” The kid gave him a look and sighed. What did this kid count as swearing anyways? 

They started to walk away but Deacon heelyied alongside them. “What are you guys here for anyways?” 

“Legos,” Duncan said, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. 

Deacon put his toes down so he was walking normally. “Oh yeah? I know the best place for them.” He crouched down and nodded his head to the side. “Climb on. I’ll take you.” By the time MacCready could say no the two were already rolling down the hall, giggling like crazy. He ran after them, making a mental note to pick up an application for a sporting goods store he passed on his way out.


	11. SynthDetective.tumblr.com

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacCready brings his kid to work and Nick Valentine gets a tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay between chapters. I took a short break so I could write some smut (It’s in the series if you’re interested/haven't read it yet)

“Very good job, Duncan!” Curie’s bright french accent carried out into the halls from the shop where MacCready worked. “Now write something nice, okay?” The kid nodded, a wide smile across his face. He clutched the crayon in his fist and slowly tried to write out something legible. In the end, he missed the mark but he looked so proud Curie didn’t say anything.

He held it up to show her. “Done! Can I go show Daddy now?” She nodded and he took off across the store, tugging at RJ’s sleeve. “Daddy, look!”

“One moment, Duncan. Daddy’s busy,” he mumbled as he finished checking out his customer. It still felt so fu- darn weird to say that. Especially with how much Hancock snickered every single time. It didn’t help that every time he and Nick were together John would send him snapchats of his boyfriend captioned ‘Daddy ;)’. One of these days he swore he was going to kick him out for this sh- stuff. 

As the customer left the store, he crouched down in front of his kid. “What’s up, pal?”

Duncan thrust the paper forward with both hands. “I drew us!” It was a rather crude drawing of two stick figures in front of a house that he supposed was his. To the side were two other stick people. He assumed they were supposed to be Curie and John. Across the top he had written ‘bestest dad’ in all caps. It was probably the ugliest drawing he’d ever seen but he was proud as hell.

“Wow! That’s really good!” He ruffled the kid’s hair and laughed. “Did you draw that yourself or did Curie draw it for you?”

It was his turn to giggle now. “No, silly! I drew it! I even signed it!” He turned the page around and pointed in the corner. “See?”

He couldn’t see of course but nodded anyways. “What are you guys gonna learn next?”

The kid scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue. “Numbers.”

“I hated doing numbers too. But they’re super important so you gotta pay attention okay?” Duncan let out probably the longest most adorable and dramatic sigh MacCready had ever heard but nodded. “Good.” 

As the kid trudged his way back to his teacher MacCready stored the picture with the rest of his junk under the counter. Then he noticed the mall cop leaning against the door frame of the store, watching. “You know, you’ve actually gotta come into the store to buy stuff, Valentine.”

“Cute,” he replied, strolling on in and making his way to the counter. “How’s business?” The hand in his pocket curled around a pack of cigarettes. How soon was it until his next break? Too long. 

RJ scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re not here to ask about business. Your patrol isn’t even supposed to pass this way for another 15 minutes.” When he was fixed with an inquisitive look he continued. “What? I just pay attention is all.” Now was definitely not the best time to mention that 3 days earlier Nick had been 25 minutes behind schedule with bloodshot eyes and Hancock following 5 minutes after him trying very hard to look sneaky. Based on the blush on Valentine’s cheeks, though, he didn’t need to bring it up.

They really had to start being more careful about this kind of stuff. People would start assuming things. “Curie wasn’t in Victoria’s Secret so I came looking. Figured she would be here again,” he said, voice flatter and more professional than normal. MacCready got a kick out of that.

“Yeah. She says she got a friend to cover her shift so she could come and teach Duncan some stuff. I’ll tell her to get back to work after lunch.”

Nick nodded, turned on his heel and left. That knowing smile was getting to him. As soon as he was free of the store, though, he was faced with another dilemma. Piper and Ellie. 

They were just down the hall, holding hands - fingers interlocked and everything - outside some women’s fashion store. He couldn’t make out from here exactly what they were whispering to each other but whatever it was, they were both laughing their asses off about it. It felt sorta rude to admit to himself that he hadn’t expected them to make it. Or perhaps he’d been hoping that.

“You know, if that was my hot sister, I don’t think I would be so chill with what’s going on there?” Nick tried to play it off like he was just noticing Ellie for the first time but it was such a bad attempt that John just laughed. “You were staring, dude.”

“Was I?”

“Just a bit.”

The prosthetic hand came up to rub his temple. “Damn. And I don’t see what you’re worried about. They’re just holding hands. Nothing to worry about yet.” When none of Hancock’s usually witty retorts came forth he turned to look at his boyfriend to find the most perplexed look on his face.

“You don’t know do you? Oh my god, no you don’t.” 

“John…”

Hancock was already pulling him down the hall by his arm. “We’re getting you on tumblr.” 

It wasn’t long before Deacon had appeared beside them, hands in pockets and shades firmly in place as always. “Does he really not know about the Scarf Girlfriends thing?”

“Who?”

“Piper came up with it. It’s her ship name for herself and Ellie,” John responded without a beat. “Ours is Valencock.”

“So is anyone actually planning on telling me what on Earth those two have gotten up to? Or do you just plan on taunting me?” The two other men looked at each other, honestly considering the option. Oh give me a break. 

They seemed to reach an agreement and turn to face the mall cop again at once. Deacon was the first to talk. “No, I think we’re going to stick with the taunting.”

Hancock picked up right where he left off. “That way you have no choice but to do as we say.” These two should definitely be kept apart at all costs. It wasn’t going to happen but he could try right? Or dream? Maybe dream was more accurate. “You know, I kinda like being in control like this.” Of course. There is was. The stupid, flirty, far-too-suggestive-for-comfort voice and look.

“Haven’t you always?” And naturally Deacon copied it. What else would he do. But could he honestly be implying they’d slept together? Why were they both such good liars? God damnit. 

“Good point.” As soon as they arrived at John’s store, a laptop was pulled from under the counter and popped open. 

In total, it took them about an hour and a half to make the blog. Valentine learned very quickly that this was not going to be as easy as expected. Especially with the dynamic duo looking over his shoulder the whole time. All he needed was a blog name. At first, he planned to go simple - perhaps a play on his name - but they had both nearly had a fit about that so he’d chosen something more interesting. SynthDetective. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with something like RoboHandjob?”

“Hancock…”

“Again with the last names. Fine.”

Next, Deacon had tried to take the laptop to work the theme only to find Nick staring him down with one of the many stares he’d practiced. To the surprise of both other guys, he actually knew a lot about code. In no more than 20 minutes he had the page looking nicer than either of them could have managed, even working together. That got them to shut up at least for a second while he chose out his photos. 

It wasn’t until Hancock started showing him blogs to follow that it got real bad.

“There is no way that is your blog name.”

Deacon and John were both giggling their asses off. “It is, I swear! Check! Number1NutSlut.tumblr.com.”

It was. And it was absolutely full of gay porn.

“I hate both of you.”

Once Hancock had gotten his breathing under control again - asshole - he took the computer from Nick, pulling up a new blog, Publick-Occurrences. “Alright, alright. Don’t say I never did anything for you.” The first post was a picture of Piper and Ellie smiling and hugging. That wasn’t so bad. Then he saw the caption.

“Should we be running?” Deacon mumbled to Hancock.

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to see all things Mallout? Check out mallout.tumblr.com! Your one stop shop for all your Mall AU needs
> 
> Edit: Okay which of you fuckers grabbed the Number1NutSlut blog and made it gay porn because I see you


	12. French Fry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curie and Danse both like showing up for work early and Hancock is bad at even being awake early

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I still don’t know who’s running the number1nutslut blog but whoever it is, I love you. Alternate title of this chapter is “Who doesn’t have a crush on Curie?”

Sunday mornings always started slow. Everything opened a few hours later and at 8 am it was a ghost town. Light filtered in through the glass ceiling in the common areas, reflecting and twinkling in the water of the currently stagnant fountains. These were Curie’s favorite times to wander the mall. There was always something nice to look at - something to study. 

Today she sat cross-legged on the lip of the fountain, notebook in front of her, studying the way light refracted in the water. The graphite in her pencil rushed over the paper, writing mostly in shorthanded. Going through all this date later would be so interesting! 

Her foot slipped from her shoe, into the water. She took note of how the water distorted the image and the ripples. It would be easy for her to simply look up the science behind all this but she found it more enriching and exciting to try and deduce herself. 

“Got your tea,” said a voice behind her. Danse stood just behind her, one hand in his pocket, other holding out her drink. His apron wasn’t even on yet and the shirt he had hugged his muscles. Most of his shirts did, in fact. He was very proud of them.

Curie had been so lost in her work that she’d actually forgotten she’d ordered it so she accepted it with a wide smile. “Ah, thank you monsieur Danse!” Scrawled where her name should be was written French Fry and she giggled. It was what he wrote every day he was working and like always it was also a size larger than she ordered.

She motioned to the spot next to her and after a glance back at the store, he joined her. There was still plenty of time before either actually needed to be ready to work. “You didn’t give me a fact yet,” he reminded her, dipping his hand into the water.

She turned into journal to the end, flipping through pages and pages of facts, most crossed out, until she got to one marked with a DA. “There are a number of robotic exoskeletons currently under development that are meant for both soldiers and those with paralysis that would allow them the ability to walk again or increase their strength by at least two times!” As she finished talking, she crossed out the fact and closed the book. 

“I heard about that actually. It’s a really fascinating technology and it could help a lot of people.” A moment of silence passed, Danse keeping his eyes on her as she drank her tea and looked out on the water. “We really are in the future huh?”

“Always. I just imagine sometimes how people must have felt when the car was first invented. Or the airplane! It must have been so amazing! They talk now about how the age of inventions that came with computers is over and yet we have so many amazing things still being invented! In many cases the future foretold in science fiction has already been created. The Watson computer made by IBM is a very amazing AI! Though I suppose they like to call it cognitive computing. I wonder if perhaps one day, it will no longer be possible to tell human from android.”

Her eyes were absolutely alight with excitement and Danse had trouble not letting it affect him too. “That would be crazy huh? Kinda scary to think one day we might not even know if the person we’re talking to is really a person.”

She turned to face him and he in turn did the same. “If we couldn’t tell them apart from humans then would it not be as if they were humans themselves? Would they not be people as all other people are?”

Danse wasn’t sure he had a good answer from that. 

\--------------------

Hancock’s normal schedule for Sundays was sleep. That was it. He would sleep until 3pm if he could. MacCready had learned a long time ago not to even try to wake him up and since that revelation things had been perfect. Duncan had yet to learn this lesson. 

At 9 am he came bounding into John’s room and climbed up onto the bed. It still wasn’t clean by any interpretation of the word but at least the drugs and porn weren’t just scattered around on every surface and all over the floor. 

“John! John wake up!” the kid shouted excitedly, bouncing on the bed and shaking the man’s arm. He tried so hard to pretend that he wasn’t waking up but Duncan refused to give up.

He sat up, pulling the kid into his lap and tickling him. “This is your punishment for waking me up,” he said as the kid shrieked and exploded into laughter. He wriggled away and climbed off the bed. “Alright, what’d you need from uncle Johnny?”

“Can we make pancakes?” Of course that’s what he’d get woken up for. “Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaa-”

“Alright alright, I give in. Go get everything set up while I get up okay?” Duncan nodded and ran past the door. “You remember everything we need?” John called after him. He didn’t get a reply. 

By the time he got to the kitchen, MacCready was already there, sitting at the counter looking about ready to murder someone. “Morning, Daddy,” Hancock practically purred as he walked by, speeding up as he saw that deathgaze turn to him. 

“Shut your damn mouth, John.”

“Swear jar,” he replied in a sing-song voice. Duncan gave him a high five.

MacCready stuffed a dollar into the jar with a grumble as Hancock and the kid got to work on the pancakes. Well, Hancock did most of the work but was showing him how to do every step along the way.

“Hey John?” Duncan asked, kicking his feet against the cabinets from her seat on the counter.

The pancakes were cooking right now so talking wouldn’t be that big of a deal. “Sup, buddy?”

“Isn’t nail polish a girl thing?”

Hancock’s nails were currently a - rather chipped at this point - matte black. He didn’t do it all the times but sometimes he did just cause it felt nice. “No. There are no girl or boy things. There are just things and people who like them. Just because mostly only girls wear nail polish doesn’t mean boys can’t. It makes me happy to look down and see little bits of color on my nails. Does that make sense?”

Duncan nodded but stared very intensely at the floor as if he was still thinking about it. “Does that mean that I can wear nail polish too?” A smile spread across John’s face as he nodded. “Can you paint my nails after breakfast?”

RJ and John’s eyes caught for a moment, silently asking the same question. For a moment it seemed MacCready would say no but then he relented and shrugged so he turned back to the kid. “You bet! Now go eat your pancakes.”

As soon as the kid was gone MacCready walked over to stand opposite Hancock, arms crossed over his chest. Well, this was gonna be a thing. “Look. If you’re not comfortable with the nail polish thing we-”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t care about that. It’s the fucking bed situation. I’m not spending another night on that da-arn couch.” John opened his mouth but RJ continued speaking before he had a chance to. “You gotta move out.”

He desperately wanted to believe he was joking but no. “You’re serious, huh…”

“I have a kid to think of, dude.”

He was right obviously but that didn’t mean John had to like it. “Look, I get it, brother, but what am I supposed to do.”

RJ’s eyebrows pulled together and his mouth parted slightly. “You spend as many nights at Valentine’s as you do here. Just move in with him.” 

That would make everything real. Hancock had always been a sort of… touring guy. The thought of moving in with someone - of having a real, committed, monogamous relationship - freaked him the fuck out. Nick had implied he’d like something like that before - had talked about the future as if he was sure both of them would be there for it - but John wasn’t sure he was ready for that. And yet, it didn’t look like he had much chance. “Yeah, you’re right. Shouldn’t be a big deal. Give me until the end of the day?”

“Sure thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of this chapter was based on an anon ask I received on my tumblr. To see more Mallout AU, visit Mallout.tumblr.com


	13. Chef Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John moves in with Valentine. If only someone had told Nick that.

A knock on the door pulled Valentine’s attention from the pot of pasta on the stove. He really didn’t want to answer it. Especially if it was one of those door-to-door salesmen. He had a wonderful dinner in the making here he was intent on perfecting, thank you very much. A glance out the window told a very different story though. Was that?

The pasta was abandoned - it would be fine for a few minutes probably - as Nick quickly made his way to the door. A look through the peephole confirmed it. The lock slid open with a click followed by the door. “John? What are you doing here?”

“Hey, lover,” he replied easily, slipping past his boyfriend into the house. A backpack that had been slung over his shoulder found a new home leaning against the couch. “Think I could crash here for the night?”

The slack-jawed look of bewilderment quickly turned to the opposite. “You couldn’t have called or at least texted first?” 

Hancock didn’t answer, instead drawing in a deep breath then drifting towards the kitchen. “Are you making dinner? It smells so good!” The wooden spoon emerging for sauce quickly caught his attention but as soon as he wrapped his fingers around it, Nick’s synthetic hand slapped his away. 

“Maybe if you had told me you were coming I would have let you have some.” Those damn puppy dog eyes. They had to have a conversation about not using those because Nick had a serious weakness to them. Or maybe he just gave into Hancock. It was one of the two. “Fine. But no tasting it until it’s done and I expect you to set the table. You remember where-”

The cabinet was already open and two wine glasses balanced on the plates John was carrying to the table. “Be careful! Those were expensive,” Nick chastised, not truly very worried. The steady clinking of the glassware with each step did make his heart skip though. 

“I would walk 500 miles for your cooking, Nicky,” Hancock replied in a singsong voice, humming the rest of the song quietly. 

This didn’t go unnoticed. “Start singing that song and I swear to god-”

“Not my fault it’s catchy! And it makes me think of Doctor Who. You know cause Tennant did that video.” The men stood arm to arm as Hancock searched a drawer. “We just having the pasta?” He nodded and John pulled out what they’d need and closed it again. “Think we can watch some after dinner?”

“Hmm?”

“Doctor Who. It’s been a while. MacCready and I didn’t have BBC.” 

Nick took note of the past tense but said nothing as he strained the noodles. “Suppose so. Old or new?” He turned to face the table. “We having wine, huh?” 

Hancock stood to help him move the food to the table. “Yup. I’ll grab some.” Not that Valentine kept all that much around. There’s wasn’t much of a choice to be made but that was fine. “Let’s do the old stuff. That way it’s more like you.” His laugh was cut off by the pop off the bottle. 

“Real hilarious.”

John pressed a kiss to his cheek then took the chair opposite him. “I know I am.” One bite into the meal and he was already in love. “Oh my god, Nicky! Where did you learn to cook like this?”

The smile that appeared on his face made dinner that much better. “You ask that every time you eat my food.”

“It’s good every time,” he replied without missing a beat with a smile to match. “Now stop being a tease and just tell me where you learned it.” 

There was a pause while Nick took a sip of the wine. “My mother taught me. She figured it would help me bring home a nice girl one day.”

They both laughed for a moment. “Seems that didn’t quite work out the way she wanted, huh? At least you got yourself a nice guy!”

“I’m not sure the word nice really suits you, dear. And she knows. She’s told me that she wants to meet you, by the way.” He tensed so slightly Nick almost missed it and knowing, he likely didn’t want to talk about it, he pretended he’d done just that. “If you think my cooking’s good you should taste hers.”

Hancock nodded, focusing on his food for a minute or two, letting the room fall to silence. Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem but he was tense. If he didn’t say why soon, Nick would ask. Instead he said. “If you’re sure, then yeah we can do that.”

“I’m sure she’d love you. Just like I do.”

“You’re such a sap,” he retorted, rolling his eyes. Nick could tell he liked it though and really that’s all that mattered. 

From that moment on, the night was much easier. Whatever had been worrying John seemed to have slipped to the back of his mind as they spent several hours watching old Doctor Who episodes. Hancock had helped Nick take off his prosthetic - something he had actually taken the time to learn how to do properly now - and they now sat sideway on the couch, the cop’s good arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s chest - occasionally straying into his hair to play with it. 

John had demanded they make popcorn because, “How can you marathon tv shows without popcorn?! You can’t,” and had been hand feeding it to Valentine so he didn’t have to move his arm. This was far too nice and comfy a place for him to be allowed to move. 

In what seemed like no time the room had plunged into darkness, the only light coming from the tv and a lamp post outside the window, filtering a dull light in through the window. As the episode came to a close Nick shut off the tv and pat the other man on the shoulder. “Come on. It’s late and we should get to sleep.”

He didn’t move. At first Nick thought he might be asleep but no. He was fidgeting too much for that. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shook his head. “Then get up.” 

He played as though he didn’t plan to bring it up again. Nick stripped out of his shirt and Hancock pulled off his pants because really, what sane person would sleep in skinny jeans. The two-sizes two big shirt stayed on though. As soon as they had both crawled into his bed, he cuddled up to Nick’s chest.

“No, turn around. Look at me.” It was a moment before he did it and when he did he just look so damn tired. Broke his heart. “You can stay here as long as you want or need to alright? I’m not going to make you tell me whatever’s going on your poker face is not great, love. I could tell something was up from the moment you got here.”

“I hate dating a cop sometimes,” he joked, his laugh lacking its usual vigor. “And what if I don’t ever want to leave?”

“I’d like that.” He nodded but said nothing so Nick pulled him close again, allowing him a bit of room to get comfortable but then tightening his grip again. “I love you, John.”

“I love you too, Nicky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more of this, check out Mallout.tumblr.com


	14. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter we check in with all of our characters to see what they're getting up to this Valentine's Day! And as a bonus, I also introduce Strong this chapter

“Are you sure you want to watch it?” Kent asked as he scampered back to the couch, arms wrapped around a very large bowl of popcorn - more than they needed probably. 

Sat cross-legged on the couch was Curie. “Of course! I am curious to see what you love so much about this. Hellboy is also a character I am not familiar with so it is most exciting!” The admission took Kent by surprise. It was silly to assume she knew everything but, well, she made it easy to. 

Kent settled into the cushions besides her, pulling his knees to his chest and letting her hold the popcorn. He tried very hard not to stare - still not able to believe she had actually suggested this whole night - but found it difficult, especially with how focused she was on the movie. She honestly was the sweetest person he knew. Normally he would assume she wouldn’t care or actually be paying attention but her eyes never strayed and at key moments, she reacted how he would expect. 

He had no illusions that this was a romantic gesture. She had suggested it only after he had admitted to having no plans, saying, “The perfect day to spend time with friends then, no?” That didn’t lessen how much it meant to him though. He didn’t have many friends in this world, and he was just so happy that he could count her as one of them. No reason to ruin it by going and confessing his feelings. 

He was perfectly happy to sit here together and eat way too much popcorn as they binge watched his favorite comic movies together.

\---------------------

This looked way easier in the movies. “Stop moving, damnit,” Valentine growled in Hancock’s ear as he fidgeted around, trying to get comfortable and having far too many near misses with his crotch. “You’re getting it everywhere!”

“Not my fault you put too much in,” grumbled John as he finally found a comfy spot and stopped moving, water and bubbles sloshing around the small tub they were both trying to fit in. Originally they were going to try to face each other but that had proved rather impractical so John was now wiggling himself closer to Nick’s chest. 

Valentine’s good arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s chest. “I’m a bit out of practice. I haven’t had a bubble bath in years. Something about being an adult. Though I guess you never got that memo, huh?” They both laughed for a moment, creating ripples in the water and disturbing the field of bubbles. “Pass me the shampoo would you?”

John grabbed the bottle from the side of the tub and opened it, squirting some into his hand. Prosthetics and water - oddly enough - didn’t mix, leaving him at a bit of a disadvantage here so may as well make his life easier. “Yeah I didn’t see the point in growing up.” Nick began to massage it into his hair and his words drifted off with a “Mmmmm,” as his eyes slid shut.

“Finally! I’ve found your off switch!” Nick laughed as the happy little purrs continued. It was way too damn cute and he wished they’d done this before. It felt to have Hancock this close to him and so relaxed.

The reply came nearly two minutes after he had spoken. “You shut your whore mouth, Valentine,” John mumbled, little more than a whisper and lacking any aggression at all. It was the laziest threat he had ever heard honestly. 

Nick’s hand fell from his hair to rub circles into his shoulders. “Or what?” There was no question what he would do. It was what he always did at times like this. He just wanted to make sure it happened. 

“Or I’ll shut it for you,” he replied, turning over and balancing carefully on his hands and knees. There was a second where each admired the other - the way the bubbles clung to their body hair and skin and the way the water gleamed where it beaded - before they leaned forward, lips meeting.

\---------------------

Like nearly all Valentine's Days before Danse found himself in his apartment alone. Well, not entirely alone. “Hey there, girl!” he said warmly as he entered the door after work, tossing his keys onto the table and crouching down to give some love to his young pitbull, Steele.

She jumped back as he tried to pet her and let out a small, sharp bark. “Oh that’s how it’s gonna be huh?” Her short tail wagged full force as he chuckled and wrestled with her, trying to pull her toy from her mouth as she tried to shake him off. 

Eventually he let her win - which she was quite pleased about - and made his way to the kitchen. It was too late to worry about making a real dinner and most fast food and restaurants would probably be worse than busy so looks like it was a frozen dinner tonight. Marie Callender's should do. 

As the dinner cooked he grabbed the remote - nearly tripping over Steele about 3 times in the 15 feet he had to walk to do so - and flipped on the TV. He was intent on changing the channel until the Nova title card appeared on screen. It could be interesting and then maybe he would have something more to talk with Curie about.

Danse spent all night watching a Nova Marathon as Steele slept at his feet. 

\---------------------

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” giggled Piper, pulling her jacket tighter around her. She and Ellie walked side-by-side down the streets of Boston, arms linked and heels clicking against the stone sidewalk. 

A slight blush lurked on the reporter’s cheeks but her girlfriend held her head high, a silent challenge to everyone they passed. “Well I can’t believe you’ve never gone on a real Valentine’s Day date! And we Valentine’s just can’t stand for something like that.”

Piper shot her patented inquisitive look. “Isn’t your last name Perkins though?”

“Technicalities.”

In no time, they arrived at the restaurant, a small, local Italian place. A line of dates had formed at the door but Ellie walked them right past all that. “Hey Ellie! Your table’s all ready and waiting. You remember where it is?”

“Who was that? Why do you have your own table? What will the people waiting think?” They got to the table. It was a small, round, two-seat table with a few candles flickering in the dim lighting. A bottle of wine stood besides the candles and two wine glasses sat ready. “Oh wow.”

Ellie laughed as they sat. “That was the owner’s daughter. I did a little bit of detective work for her while we were in college. She didn’t have the money to pay me back then so she said I was welcome here whenever - no matter how busy it is.” The bottle opened with a loud pop and she began pouring the drink into the glasses. “And frankly, I don’t give a damn what others think as long as you’re with me, Pipes. I’ll fight off anyone who tries to give us shit.”

Piper had no doubt about that. “You’re amazing.” That got a good laugh. Ellie placed the wine glass in front of her and raised her own in a toast, waiting for her to do the same. “I’m not… I’m too young to drink, remember,” she practically whispered. 

“Don’t worry about that tonight. It’s just a bit of wine. I’m sure no one will mind.” After a moment of consideration she took the advice and brought her glass up to join the other. “To us,” Ellie said, clinking their glasses together. 

“To us,” Piper parrotted. 

\---------------------

For X6 Valentine’s Day had never been about romance. His family generally hosted large gatherings and perhaps people would bring dates but mostly it was just for the relatives and siblings and in-laws. And there were a lot of them. 

Abandoning the X6 persona he had created for himself, he donned the polo and slacks his parents would expect him to wear. It had always seemed to pointless to do so but when you’re the son of the CEO of a successful business certain things are required of you, even at family functions. So he did just that.

As always he arrived 15 minutes before the gathering, a tray of pastries he had prepared balanced on one hand. “Hello,” he called as he walked in and removed his shoes. 

For a moment there was silence until one of his older sister came barrelling around the corner. He barely got the tray safely on a table before her arm hooked around his neck. “Hey baby brother!” She was everything he was not. She had gone to college but done little more than party and spend their parents’ money. There were mixed feelings about her in the family and he always tried to act as though he disapproved but the two were close and both knew what a lie that was. 

When he took the job at the arcade it had been a small act of rebellion; a slight step in her footprints. he could never be like her but he could dream. “Hello Jenny. Have you seen Shaun? There is some business I should discuss with him.”

“Relax, would you X? You’re allowed to call him Dad and it’s a party. Business can wait.” He wanted to argue but she pouted in the way only she could so he relented. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to unwind just a bit for the night. Maybe being himself, one of my prodigal children of the founder of the Prosthesis Institute, didn’t have to be all bad. “And I expect some of those, by the way,” she said pointing to the tray. “They look delicious.”

He laughed and picked up one himself. “I wouldn’t have brought them if they weren’t to enjoy.”

\---------------------

“Harder! I know you can do better than that,” Strong barked at Cait. Sweat caused her fiery red hair to cling to her forehead and her chest heaved with each labored breath. “You aren’t going soft on me are you?”

She practically growled in response and threw her next punch even harder, actually pushing Strong back a step from his position behind the punching bag. “I’m not fuckin going soft.”

He nodded in approval and stepped closer to her, putting a large hand on her much smaller shoulder. “There’s the Cait I know.” He held out his hands and he put her own in them. Slowly he wound the tape off her knuckles. “Been too long since you got in a fight I think. How long since you’ve been in the ring?”

Her breath was still labored but she managed an answer. “Nearing two months now, I think.”

“And why not?”

She didn’t answer, rubbing her now freed knuckled and getting a drink. He waited, arms crossed over chest. She caught his eye and said, “Just work taking up my time,” before looking away again. Yeah he definitely didn’t believe that.

He sat on the bench in front of her and she turned again. Damn stubborn girl wasn’t she? “Don’t lie to me. It would have to be something big to pull you away from this. You’re strong here - in your zone.” Wait… “Are you blushing?” He’d never seen her face show anything even resembling a blush. Like a damn schoolgirl. 

“It’s nothin’.” Yeah no he wasn’t going to accept that. “There’s this girl I work with, Curie. Guess I just got a bit distracted.”

Strong didn’t answer right away, mulling it over. He wasn’t the smartest and sometimes it took him several minutes to think through a problem. “Well do you think she’s good for you? Do you think she makes you stronger?”

Cait wasn’t sure she had an answer to that question. 

\---------------------

Preston spent his Valentine’s Day as he spent every Valentine’s Days and if he was being honest, most days in general. He had arrived at the homeless shelter in his neighborhood at around 5am to help out, bringing with him a hoard of dogs from the pet store. The puppies fussed less when they got to go out and play with people and the people at the shelter seemed to enjoy the company as well. 

“Hey Preston,” called Nora as she walked in the door. When she had heard about his plans for today she had insisted on helped. 

Instantly she found her legs surrounded by small puppies, all jumping up and down and whining for attention. She laughed and crouch down to give them what they wanted. 

He responded with a nod and, “Hello Nora.” 

Most of the day they were both very busy, helping to organize and get people fed and help with job applications and making sure to give everyone a flower and a piece of candy - a surprised Preston had purchased and put together. He always wished he could do more - fix all their problems - but for today just seeing the smiles on their faces as he gave them the gift was enough. He had even taken the time to write personal notes to each person.

“You’re just a genuinely good person, aren’t you?” Nora asked at one point while they both had a moment of down time. 

The question caught him off guard and it was a moment before he could form a reply. “I don’t think I’m especially good. This is just a decent thing to do. I can’t just sit by and do nothing while people live like this.”

She shook her head and laughed. “See that’s what I mean. You don’t even realize how good you are.” Seconds later she got called away and left Preston standing there, mulling over what she had said. Was he really a good person?

He never quite reached an answer but a warm feeling filled his chest for the rest of the night. 

\---------------------

Deacon stood in MacCready’s kitchen proudly wearing a frilly pink apron that read “Kiss the Cook.” RJ was a notoriously bad cook and the thought of Duncan eating a “nice” home cooked meal had made him nervous. In an attempt to save the poor child from bad food he had offered to come and cook.

The problem was, of course, that Deacon had no idea how to cook either.

This hadn’t occurred to him until several hours after he had offered and RJ had accepted and he now stood in a kitchen with no idea what to do. As soon as he had arrived, he had insisted the father and son go out to the park and give him privacy so he could “work his magic.”

After nearly 30 minutes of staring at the kitchen without moving, he finally gave in. This wasn’t going to happen. He did, however, know a chinese place that made very good food very quickly. Within 15 minutes he had it back at the house. 

The table had just been set with the food and the take-out containers hidden when RJ and Duncan returned. “Wow, it smells good in here, Deeks,” MacCready commented, helping the kid into a seat. “The apron is a bit desperate though, don’t you think?”

Plan foiled once again. “I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about,” replied Deacon, sitting at the table and refusing the take off the apron. He liked it! “And of course I would make only the best for you two.” The smile curling his lips was one of pure, unadulterated deception but the MacCreadys seemed to take it as something more genuine.

“I had no idea you could cook this week,” RJ commented as he took a bite. Perfect. They didn’t suspect a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a happy Valentine's Day everyone!


	15. Tomfoolery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacCready and Deacon get up to some tomfoolery while Nick is distracted.

Retail was almost never fun. Ask anyone. Customers are shitty people and you just have to put up with it but this? Hell no! There was no way MacCready could put up with this. “You’ve got a problem with my kid, you’re going through me first,” he huffed, hands balled into fists and chest puffed out. Nora had told him that he could bring in the kid every day if he needed but some of the customers still seemed to have problems with it. Not his problem. 

Valentine, who had just appeared, stepped between the two men, one hand out towards each. “Let’s both calm down. No need for this to turn into a real fight.” There was no way that was going to work. He had to know that right? If that bitch said one more word about his kid, RJ was full on ready to jump the counter to kick his ass. 

To his surprise, though, the customer backed down. “Fine,” he said, disdain still obvious in his voice. Punk. 

MacCready still wanted to punch his teeth in but there was no way he could avoid punishment now. Nick, however, didn’t relax. “I don’t want this kind of shit happening again, understand? So you’re going to apologize.” It was clear to everyone that it wasn’t a request. As he obeyed the command Valentine took a step away to check his phone. 

It seemed out of place up until he tensed up and a blush spread over his cheeks. Oh he knew that look. That was the dick pic face. Come to think of it, he knew that look far better than he should… 

As Nick made a hasty retreat, followed by the douchy customer, the store was left empty. Oh this was perfect… 

“Hey, Duncan. You remember that plan Deacon helped us come up with?” The kid nodded without looking up from the picture he was drawing. That seemed to be a nervous habit of his. “Well what do you think about doing that now? Does that sound like fun?” The little MacCready frowned like he was thinking really hard before nodding. 

Just as he had finished locking up the store, Deacon strolled up, a sly smile on his lips. “Did I just see Valentine locking himself in a bathroom?” RJ chuckled and nodded and they began walking together. “Perfect. So Operation Railroad is a-go?”

“I still don’t see why we’re calling it operation railroad. What does this have to do with trains?”

Duncan laughed when Deacon puffed out his bottom lip in a pout. He did this every time someone didn’t understand one of the ridiculous names he came up with. “Oh come on! We talked about this…” Oh and now he was pulling down the glasses to pull some puppy dog eyes. That was really helpful and definitely not cute at all. Nope. Never that. “It’s cause we’re freeing them. Like the underground railroad and the slaves, remember?”

The kid skipped between them, and stuck up his hand. “I remembered!” 

Deacon high fived the hand, causing the kid a giggle because that’s obviously not what he’d put the hand up for. “You’re one smart cookie! And you know what happens to smart cookies?” He pulled a baggie a oreos from his pocket, handing one over. 

Duncan stared at the cookie like it was the most magical thing in the world. He looked up to his dad, mouth still hanging open. “Can I?” RJ nodded and he tried stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. Tried being the operative word there.

“Alright, time for part 1 of the plan,” MacCready said. Deacon immediately fell back, slipping into another group of shoppers. Duncan put out his hand and his dad took it as they walked into the store. 

Preston appeared from one of the aisles nearly instantly, approaching them with a friendly smile. “Hey RJ. You must be Duncan,” he said, crouching down to get on the kid’s eye level. “You come to look at the animals?”

Duncan nodded, glancing up at MacCready who gave him a nod of encouragement. “Could we look at all the puppies?” He scuffed his shoe into the ground, refusing to look up.

“Of course!” Preston replied, taking his hand and leading him back to the locked door that separated the dogs from the rest of the store. MacCready made eye contact with Deacon who had slipped into the store while they had Preston’s attention. As soon as the door was unlocked Deacon began making a commotion. 

RJ got the door before it locked again as Garvey rushed away to deal with it. Duncan wasted no time in going to every single cage and opening them. MacCready nearly teared up at the devious laughter the kid was making. It was too beautiful, too pure. He was going to be so good at pranks when he grew up!

Puppies started running by RJ, some staying in the store, others immediately running out into the halls. The barks of excitement and surprise of the customers browsing the mall were hilarious and when Duncan returned to his side, he picked him up and both quickly exited the store, giggling like crazy. Deacon wasn’t far behind them. 

To say Preston was pissed would be understating it. By a lot. He immediately rounded up the dogs that had stayed in the store and locked them up before venturing further into the mall with a ridiculous number of leashes. 

“Ellie, look!” Piper said, pointing behind her girlfriend at a dog running by. They’d been trying to enjoy a nice, relaxing coffee together at starbucks. Ellie had a report to write and Piper had a story due soon. But she was quickly learning nothing here could be relaxing. 

The sigh from behind the counter confirmed just that. “Probably Deacon, RJ, or John,” mumbled Danse, not even looking up or stopping his working. “Everything that goes wrong around here seems to be their fault.”

Piper was already up, out of her chair, and running after the dog. “Sorry,” Ellie shouted to Danse as she ran after her, leaving their stuff splayed out on the table. He just sighed once more and continued with his work. 

By the time Ellie caught up to the dog - and her girlfriend - Preston was already putting a leash on it, making the total number of dogs following him 5. “So you’re saying you got tricked by a 4 year old?” Piper asked, trying very hard, and failing spectacularly, to hide her giggles. 

“No, it was Deacon and RJ. I swear, those two are only trouble together. And I wouldn’t mind if they just did this stuff to themselves but now I’ve got to run around dealing with this and here.” He cut himself off the shove a number of leashes in to the reporter's hands. “Just help me collect them all, would you?”

Without waiting for her response he stomped off again, looking pretty damn comical with 5 very excited puppies in tow.

Across the mall, the puppies were wreaking a very different kind of havoc. Cait was the first to notice, asking Curie, “Are those dogs?” The french girl let out a surprised squeak and ran to the door, throwing it closed. “Aw, come on! Why not just let them in?”

One slipped in, right before the door closed and Curie immediately began wheezing and trying to back up. “I’m allergic,” she managed. Cait immediately scooped up the dog to keep it away. 

“I’m going to go find Nick,” she called as she slipped out of the store, still carrying the dog. As she searched she began wondering what the fuck was going on. Either Preston was hilariously incompetent or this was, yup. 

She spotted MacCready, Deacon, and Duncan standing together and giggling to themselves. Motherfuckers. She shouted just that as she passed. It was hard to tell with the glasses but it looked like Deacon was about to start crying with laughter and Duncan’s mouth just hung open, eyes wide and following her. 

The next question on her mind was how Valentine had let this get so out of hand so much already. Wasn’t it, like, his job to make sure stuff like this didn’t happen? 

Much like her first question, this one was answered nearly instantly as she passed a bathroom and heard his voice. Of all the things that could be distracting him. God fucking damnit. She considered just leaving them be but decided against it and pulled on the door. Locked. Of course.

She pounded on the door. If they heard they didn’t react. “Hello?” Still nothing. With a slight blush Cait resolved to stand here and wait for them. It couldn’t be that long right?

She wasn’t wrong but she wasn’t entirely right either. It was longer than she wanted to think about. As soon as it grew quiet and seemed to be staying that way she pounded on the door again, calling out, “If you two are about finished, we’ve got a fuckin’ problem out here.” And oh god, their faces when they finally came out. Nick was bright red and Hancock was just smiling all cocky.

“Everyone knows you and John are dating and all but how about you do your job instead of him?” Cait chastised the mall cop before rolling her eyes when he just rubbed the back of his neck with his prosthetic. 

As if to prove her point a small corgi walked - or more accurately hopped as it was missing one of its legs - over and sat down next to John, tongue lolling out. His heart nearly burst when it looked up at him with its big ears and eyes. Hancock tugged on his boyfriends sleeve and stated, “We’re keeping it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To read exactly what Nick and John were getting up to, read this: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6060964/


	16. Boy's Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac, Deacon, John, and Nick meet at a bar after work.

The steady hum of pub-life felt like home to Hancock. The crappy speakers were always playing music that had hit the point of overplayed a month ago, unless Magnolia was coming in to sing. Tonight it was playing just the kind of music that got him hyped and made Valentine grumble. The air felt heavy and old and familiar. And it wouldn’t be the Third Rail without a couple sitting way too close. 

Nick, on the other hand, seemed to be pretty uncomfortable. He didn’t go out much and it was obvious just by looking him. The normal guard uniform he wore had been replaced by what John had described as dad jeans and a simple black shirt that simply read ‘this is my boyfriend’s shirt.’ That it was. It seemed Hancock had bought it several size too large for him way back when as a joke and it almost fit Nick. Almost. It was just a bit too small. His boyfriend had insisted he not wear a button up, though, and this was the next best thing. 

“Well if it aint John fuckin’ Hancock,” Whitechapel Charlie, the bartender that looked like the model of english punk, called out from behind the bar, the man in question bending low in a dramatic bow. “One of the usual I assume?”

The laugh came easily from his lips and Nick felt himself relaxing. “What can I say? Creature of habit.” The couple that had been sitting practically on top of each other at the bar turned and Hancock’s laugh got about 10 times worse. “Oh my god, Mac. Never took you for the type for PDAs.” 

The “couple” at the bar had, in fact, been the friends they were coming here to meet, MacCready and Deacon. The former was currently flushed red and attempting to splutter some sort of excuse. Deacon decided to do just the opposite and wrapped his arms around his waist. And god that knowing, shit-eating grin on John. 

“No we’re not- He’s just- Get off, Deeks, seriously.” He tried to push the other man off him but instead found his chin resting on his shoulder. 

“Uhm, excuse you. I thought we agreed it was Death Bunny, not Deeks.”

Nick took a seat beside Hancock, hand resting on his thigh as he took a drink of a seemingly very dark ale. “So they’re definitely fucking, right?” 

‘Oh yeah definitely.”

MacCready slammed down his mug earning him an ‘Oi!’ from Charlie. He didn’t seem to notice. “I can hear you,” he hissed, enunciating each word.

“Just like how everyone could hear you last night,” Deacon responded in barely more than a whisper. RJ’s head joined his glass on the bartop, face now fully read as the other three lost it laughing. Neither Valentine nor Hancock knew if they really trust Deacon enough to believe that line but they had to admit it was well timed. 

It was nearly a full minute before MacCready could pull his head up again, his skin mostly returned to its normal tan hue. “You wanna talk about loud? I swear the whole mall could hear you two in that damn bathroom.” And now it was his turn to be graced by a devious smile. 

Nick fell trap to it, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. Hancock, on the other hand, remained perfectly well composed. “Good. Now everyone knows Nick’s mine.”

“Or, more accurately, that you’re Nick’s,” Deacon added.

Charlie stood with crossed arms across from them in front of one of the service stations. “If you’re gonna shag you better not do it on my bar,” he warned all of them. “Once was enough.” Nick wasn’t sure how to take that last comment but the others seemed to be nonchalant about it so he played long. “And you-” he said, pointing at Nick. “Get a drink or get the fuck out.”

John had warned that Charlie was… well, that he was somewhat rude but he certainly hadn’t expected this. “I’ll just take a coke, thanks.” The bartender gave Hancock a look and in turn, Hancock turned and gave the look to his boyfriend. “Alright, alright. Make it a jack and coke then.”

“Attaboy,” said MacCready, reaching around John to slap him on the back. He had a bottle of beer in front of him and Deacon had some blue and green drink that Nick didn’t think you could pay him to drink. A quick look through the drink menu confirmed that Nick probably wouldn’t drink any of this. The drinks were name a variety of ridiculous things like the The Nuclear Waste, The Goodneighbor, and the Wanderer.

All four nursed their drinks as their conversation continued. “Look, all I’m saying is no one would have needed to know if you guys didn’t pull that little stunt,” John commented.

Deacon leaned forward to MacCready who leaned back as well. “Is he getting more boring cause of Nick or do you think it’s all an act?” he whispered loudly.

RJ narrowed his eyes and studied the man in question’s face, noting his eyeroll. “I think it’s all an act. They did end up adopting one of the dogs…”

“Oh, it was definitely awesome and I hate you guys for leaving me out of it but you should’ve seen the look on Cait’s face. I still have nightmares. I thought she was going to straight up murder us.” He stated it with a deadpan expression as though he actually believed it. Even Valentine joined in on the laughter. 

His arm wrapped tighter around his boyfriend. “To be fair, darling, I think you were involved in their little scheme. You were the distraction.”

MacCready and Deacon both made a face when he said ‘darling.’ “Get a room!” Mac said as he finished the rest of his drink. 

Charlie looked like he was going to say something but the other bartender put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re out of some of the mixes. Could you grab them from the back?” He begrudgingly agreed, adding a mumbled comment about getting him his own damn key.

“Codsworth? Didn’t know you worked here,” commented Nick as he finished his own drink.

“Mister Valentine,” he responded with a nod as he took the glass. He ended up getting refills for all of them. “Charlie needed some help running this place and being a janitor isn’t exactly high paid work.” His posh british accent seemed so out of place after Charlie’s much rougher one. “Anything else I can get you lads?”

They all shook their heads and he wandered away. “So who’s taking care of Duncan while you’re out?” John asked, winding his fingers with his boyfriend’s.

“Piper,” Deacon and RJ answered in unison. “She offered to watch him if we ever wanted to get out for the night.” 

Had he not already been thrown off by the answer, perhaps Nick would have pressed them on the ‘we’. Instead, he lamely repeated “Piper?” They both nodded. “But Piper and Ellie were gonna come over to my place and watch Columbo…”

They exchanged looks of confusion and concern before John added. “Curie mentioned she was hanging out with Piper tonight.”

“And Cait said she was spending the night with Curie,” Deacon commented.

They all groaned in unison and Nick buried his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder. The man in question supplied a lame, “Girls night in?” before he and the other two exploded into another round of laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://narrettwist.tumblr.com/post/139702188760/mallout-headcannon-for-charlie-hes-the  
> This drawing of Whitechapel Charlie has been approved and this is how I imagine him looking.


	17. Girls Night In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the boys enjoy a night out on the town, Ellie, Piper, Cait, Curie, and Duncan all hang out together at Nick and John's house.

Ellie tried to be a good sister. It was this that drove her to offer to watch over Columbo the dog while Nick and John went out. That, and some quality time with Piper. They didn't get too much time alone so the idea of spending a few hours together at a house was appealing to say the least.

These plans were somewhat disrupted when she learned Piper has offered to watch MacCready’s kid while he went out with Nick and John. She wasn't all that peeved - Duncan was a sweet kid - but it certainly meant they wouldn't be getting up to anything. 

“I'm not wearing it,” Nick said, his voice muffled by the door between them.

John’s quiet reply came a second later. “Well I'm not taking you if you wear one of your shirts and we’re definitely going shopping this weekend.”

“It doesn't even fit!”

“Oh my god, YES! You have to wear it! No debate.”

Ellie laughed to herself quietly as she went about making some popcorn in the kitchen. The oil was still heating up so she wandered around, cleaning some stuff up. Nick used to tease her about it but guess who’s room was always clean? Yeah, that's right. The neat freak.

There was some conversation she couldn't quite make out followed by the click of the door. “Oh my god,” she whispered trying so hard not to laugh at the shirt Nick had on. She failed.

“It actually is my shirt,” Hancock declared proudly. It was pretty easy to tell. The black shirt that read “this is my boyfriend’s shirt was at least one size too small and you could tell Nick wasn't proud on it.

So of course, Ellie took a picture. Piper just had to see this! She was such a great sister…

“You know where everything is, right Elle? If you need anything I think there’s some cash in the bedside table. Mine, not John’s. Columbo should behave. He’s a pretty good dog,” Nick rambled on as he made his way to the door, pausing to give Ellie a hug before opening it.

She hugged him too before pushing his shoulder outside. “Go. Have fun. Columbo and I will be fine.” He nodded and opened his mouth to say something more but she shut the door on him. He was probably just gonna ask if she needed anything, again, and she didn’t feel like talking in circles for 10 minutes.

A few minutes later a car pulled into the driveway but it wasn’t Piper’s. “Curie?” Ellie opened the door and waited on the front step as Curie and Cait exited the car and strolled up. “Hey guys. If you’re looking for Nick or John, they just left actually.” That must be why they were here right?

Nope. “Good! Piper said this was the place to be tonight,” Cait said as she brushed past and went inside. 

Curie stayed on the doorstep, hands clasped together behind her back. “You seem surprised. Did Piper not tell you were coming?” Ellie sighed and shook her head. Of course Piper would do something like this. “Oh mon dieu… Shall we be going then?”

Piper arrived just in time to answer. “No! You gotta stay! Think of all the juicy stuff we could learn about Nicky!” She put her arm around Curie and led her in. Faced with little other choice, Ellie stepped aside and let them in. 

She came in to find Cait already stretched out on the couch and the muted sound of barking coming from behind a door. “Where’d you put Columbo?” 

“He’s in the closest. Don’t cha worry,” Cait responded nonchalantly. When Ellie shot her one of the most confused looks she was sure had ever crossed her face Cait just waved her hand. “Curie’s allergic.”

Piper and Curie were chatting animatedly about the printing press if she was hearing right and Cait had flipped on the tv, leaving her and Duncan standing there side-by-side not quite sure what to do. After a few seconds he tugged on her sleeve. “Yeah, what’s up buddy?”

“I’m hungry. Can I have some food?” She nodded and they walked to the kitchen. The first cabinet she opened - one usually reserved for cereals and the other - relatively - healthy snack foods Nick usually kept in stock. Instead, it was filled with cookies. Not just a few boxes. At least 15 boxes. 

The kid’s face lit up as she just stared. “Why…?”

Piper walked over to see what was happened and burst into laughter. “Well at least we’re set on snacks, right?” She handed one to the kid. “Go crazy,” she said as he ran off to sit by Curie. “I think your brother may have lost it,” she added as she got her own box. “I mean, I’m as much a fan of sweets as the next gal but this seems excessive even to me.”

“You’re more of a fan that the next gal, Pipes,” Ellie teased as she shook her head and closed the cabinet. 

She put on a teasing smirk right on back and bumped their shoulders together. “True. But you’re almost too sweet for even me to handle.” That earned her a drawn out boo from Cait. Piper had, for the most part, gotten over her stuttering and blushing so bad that she basically shut down but the reminder that people could actually hear her brought some of it back. 

Her cheeks flushed red and she tried to get out some sort of defense but was cut off before she could. “This is all fun and games but don’t you guys think we’re missing an opportunity here?” Each just gave her bewildered looks so she sighed, turned off the tv, and stood up. Her head tipped to the side like she was shaking water from her ears. None of them understood she was gesturing until she sighed again and walked to the bedroom door, putting her hand on the knob. “We’re in their house. You’re telling me you’re not curious?”

There was a moment of silence while Piper looked between Cait and Ellie. The gazes grew longer until she was really just staring at the door, causing a devious smile to curl at the irish woman’s lips. 

“What?! Are you guys serious? This is my brother’s house! You can’t just-” Her protests fell on deaf ears as the girls entered the bedroom. She was following them in seconds.

When they entered the room it was easy to tell whose side was whose. One side of the room was neatly organized, clothes put away or waiting folded in piles, books straight on the bookshelf, side-table balanced and exactly in place. The other side, was the opposite. Piles of books lay on the floor - clearly taken from the bookshelf - and posters were taped to the wall. The bedside table was a pile of about guages and other piercings, charging cables, clothing, dishes, and some new shitty YA novel with a condom wrapper acting as the bookmark. 

Piper took her time to stare while Cait immediately dropped to the floor to look under the bed. No, nothing there. Yeah Piper was definitely going to write about this on her blog later. “Come on guys. This isn’t cool,” Ellie pleaded as Cait continued to search the room.

“Did you know your brother’s been smoking dope?” The first drawer of the dresser had slid open to reveal their weed stash and what she believed to be Nick’s socks. They were too boring to be John’s. 

Cait took the moment while Ellie was distracted to slip some of the pot into her pocket. She was sure they wouldn’t miss it. “I’m sure it’s just Hancock’s.” Yeah right. Everyone must know by now that they both did. Had she really not noticed. 

All chatter stopped when the second dresser door slid open. Cait was so using this as leverage and Piper was so posting about this. Ellie was hoping someone would wake her up from this nightmare already because oh god the drawer was full of sex toys from Spencer’s. It made sense since John worked there but it was something else to actually see this.

“Knew those two were into some freaky shit,” Cait proclaimed with a laugh. Piper was blushing like crazy but put out her knuckles for a fist bump which was quickly returned.


	18. The End of the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As this fanfiction comes to an end, we flip through what the future holds for Nick and John, featuring a little bit of Cait and some Deacon and Mac at the very beginning.

Deacon blew smoke from his lips, watching it trail up to the ceiling. MacCready grumbled something about smoking in the house but it was quiet enough that he could pretend to have missed it. That is, until Mac picked his head up off Deacon’s bare chest and fixed him with a look. “Alright, alright. I’ll put it out,” he grumbled, snubbing it into the ashtray by the bed. 

“It’s cliché anyways,” Mac mumbled before returning his head to its original spot. Instead of answering, Deacon just put his arm around his friend and rubbed circles on his shoulder. Perhaps friends wasn’t the right word. Friends didn’t typically end up in bed naked together. 

Not that it bothered him. “Why mess with a good thing, right?” Whether cliché meant something was good was perhaps up for debate. 

The man on his chest shifted once again - squirmy today wasn’t he - so that they could now see face to face, the sunglasses preventing them from seeing eye to eye. “I’ve been thinking-”

Deacon cut him off, muttering, “That’s never a good thing.”

That earned him a punch to the shoulder. “I’ve been thinking maybe we should make this official; make us official.”

It was times like these he was really, really glad he always wore his sunglasses because he definitely hadn’t been expecting that. They’d been hooking up for a couple months now on and off but a relationship? That wasn’t really his area of expertise.

“Hear me out,” MacCready continued, sitting up now. “I can’t raise Duncan on my own. You’re really good with him and you’re, uh, good with me too. So what do you say?”

There were several moments of silence as he mulled it over. Could he really do this? He didn’t think so but goddamn Mac sure did apparently. So slowly, he found himself nodded. “Alright. We can give it a try. As long as you don’t expect this to stop,” he added, gesturing to themselves and the bed. “Cause I’m pretty sure it’s one of my favorite parts.”

MacCready laughed and shook his head. “You think?”

Deacon nodded somberly. “Yeah. I think we might have to try again so I can get a better idea.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone was mortified when they found Cait passed out in her car, spent syringes lying on the seat beside her. The locked doors stopped them from getting in, at least at first and their fists banging at the metal was doing little to rouse her. Eventually, fed up with their inability to do anything, John grabbed a rock and smashed the window open. 

The ambulance arrived minutes later, loading her and, despite the paramedics’ repeated protests, John. “I’ll call you later,” he called to Nick as the doors slammed shut.

Everyone stood in place, watching their friend be driven away. It didn’t seem real. Couldn’t possible be real. “I didn’t know she had a problem. Should’ve said something,” MacCready mentioned, shaking his head.

“What do you think it was?” Curie asked quietly. Nick caught Deacon’s eyes, the guilt very clear to him. They both knew what it was and who had hooked her up with a dealer. 

The sunglasses were pushed up the bridge of his nose in an instant and Deacon became the first to return to the mall.

\------------------

It was hours until Nick got the call and he dropped everything to answer. “John?”

He didn’t wait to launch into the update. “It was a heroin OD. She’s stable now but she almost died. They say we got to her just in time.” His voice shook with each word and he took a long breath, letting it out in a sigh. “They won’t let me in to see her, Nicky. Family only. But she doesn’t have any.”

“Well it’s a good thing you found her then, huh? How did you find her, by the way?”

“Knew the look. Got worried when I never saw her come back. I just-”

“I know.” He didn’t need John to tell him why he knew the look; why he’d been worried; why he saw himself in her.

“She needs help,” he said after several moments of silence. “I know a good rehab center. I went there once but there’s no way she can afford it. Nick we gotta-”

He cut him off. “We’ll talk about it when I get there.”

\------------------

It was a long, painful 3 months for both of them but especially for John. He was constantly buzzing around the house, talking to himself or asking Nick how he thought the girl was doing. “Oh god, I bet she’s so scared Nicky! She better be eating. I really hope she doesn’t slip again when she gets outs. 

After one month of this Nick had finally called the center and ask that Cait be released to them, explaining she didn’t really have much else. There’d been some paperwork but they’d gotten it all figured out. 

Now, they stood by their car in the parking lot, waiting from her to emerge from the building. And when she did she ran straight for them, throwing her arms around John and bawling. Nick helped both of them into the back then began the long drive home. 

For nearly a half hour, the car was silent save for the sobs. When they seemed be trailing off, John passed the girl a bottle of water and took a grateful sip. “I didn’t even know you guys were coming. I thought I was gonna be all on me own again.”

John pet her hair slowly, holding her close. They’d agreed on the way down that seatbelts - for once - were probably not the most important thing today. It spiked Nick’s already pretty high levels of anxiety about the whole situation but he had to managed so he did. 

“You’re gonna stay with us as long as you need,” John reassured her in a hushed voice. “We’re gonna take care of you. I know how scary it was there. You’re safe now. We’ve got you.”

Her sobs turned to hiccups as she tried to get a hold of herself. “God, look at me. Probably look like a damn fool.” She angrily wiped the tears from her eyes, sitting up straight and tugging her hair away from John’s fingers.

He got the hint and kept his hands to himself. “It’s okay. I had to go there once too. Coke. Those paper spoons are fucking weird right?” 

His attempted to brighten the mood seemed to work and she laughed a bit. “Yeah. When we get back to your house can we have some ice cream? With real spoons?”

“Hell yeah.”

The rest of the ride and, in fact, much of the next month carried on in a similar fashion. John and Cait spent a lot of time quietly discussing things. Their conversations ranged from politics to mental health to drugs to tv shows. For the most part, Nick stayed out of the way, knowing he’d be able to do little to help. This was John’s area of expertise, not his. 

But he did keep them well supplied with food and water. He would take Cait to the store with him so she could choose the food she wanted. He even let her buy a bouquet of flowers each week. It seemed to brighten her mood and the extra expense was worth it, he figured. At night, he would make sure she was comfortable on the inflatable mattress they’d set up for her in the living room. Sometimes they would talk but usually it was a quick affair. Throughout the night he would stop in to check on her, making sure she was still breathing quietly.

As the end of the first month approached, John encouraged her to get a job outside the mall somewhere. She started going out more on her own, spending money that she was making, and generally leading a more productive life. When she came home at the end of the day, the three would sit together and tell stories about how it had gone and how they felt. 

It all fascinated Cait honestly. She, like, everyone else at the mall had known there was something going on but she hadn’t realized just how in love they were. Hadn’t known how many insecurities each of them had. Hadn’t realized how… real they were. And it made her feel better. When Nick talked about how he hadn’t been able to drive that day she felt okay admitting she had a craving to get high again. And never once did they treat her less for it. Instead, they offered words of encouragement. It was bizarre to say the least but goddamn if it didn’t make her feel so warm inside. 

One of the hardest things to get used to had been the arm. At first, seeing him walk around the house with his stump had freaked her and she would avoid eye contact. Nick had noticed and sat down with her one night and offered to show her how it worked. He had and had showed her the scars and explained that he wasn’t as self-conscious about it as he once had been. It was just a part of him. Or, well, a lack of part of him. After that, she hadn’t been so scared of it. 

It didn’t really hit Nick how much she’d come to love them to until one day, as he was about to go out Cait called from the couch, “Hey dad, before you go-” before stopping and staring, mortified.

“Did you just…?”

She blushed and turned back to the tv, muttering, “If I say no does that mean it didn’t happen?” before adding more clearly, “Don’t forget the strawberries.” 

Nick gushed all about it to John later who seemed surprised it hadn’t happened earlier honestly. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh come on! What do you mean I can’t come over?” Cait’s voice huffed over the speakerphone. “I haven’t been over in, like, two weeks and now you’re saying I have to wait more?” Since getting her own apartment they’d seen much less of each other. Didn’t stop her from showing up unannounced for dinner or to spend the night every so often though. 

Nick fixed John’s tie - despite protests that it was ‘just fine’ and ‘looked better this way’ - as he replied. “I told you, Cait. I go to my mother’s every year for my birthday. We’ll have to have dinner some other time.”

“At least you don’t have to wear a tie,” John huffed, finally pulling away from Nick’s fingers. 

Cait laughed at that and both men smiled. “Come on, you could take me! I’m like your kid now anyways, right?”

“Cute,” Nick replied simply, shaking his head.

John was quick to follow up. “This is the first time I’m meeting her so probably best you stay. Don’t worry, monkey, we’ll have you over in a couple days.” Both Cait and Nick fell silent, the latter fixing him with the most bewildered look. “Hey, if she’s gonna say she’s our kid I’m gonna give her stupid nicknames. That’s what dads are supposed to do right?”

John sighed and shook his head. “Goodbye Cait,” he said, waiting for a ‘yup’ before ending the call. “All the options in the world and you choose monkey?”

They made their way to the car, plate of brownies - pot-free at the insistence of Nick - in tow. “I was nervous okay? I don’t usually go for this whole meeting the parents business.” The engine growled to a start. “What if she doesn’t like me? This just makes it so… final.”

“We live together and have for months. We own a dog together. We’re saving up to send you to college. We basically adopted Cait. And it’s meeting my mom that you think makes this final? Only thing that could be more final than what we already are would be a ring, Johnny.”

John groaned, sliding down in his seat. “I get that it’s irrational, Nicky. And let’s never do that. I don’t need some stupid ring to prove I love you. I think doing this is enough.”

Nick chose to ignore the comment about the ring now. He was a romantic who desperately wanted to marry the nerd sitting in the passenger seat but now wasn’t the time to push the issue. Instead he just chose to say. “I know. I appreciate it.”

When they pulled up to the house, Ellie was already standing in the doorway waiting for them wearing a cute, knee-length summer dress. “No Piper tonight,” she called as they walked up. “Figured you guys would like a little less prying.” John nodded his appreciation. 

The siblings disappeared into the house, chattering away and leaving John on the door step. “Just breath,” he muttered to himself before stepping inside. Here he was. The house his boyfriend grew up in. Were there still traces of him here? Old possessions left behind when he moved out.

It took a couple seconds for him to build up the courage to round the corner. He wasn’t sure what he expected Nick’s mom to look like but it certainly wasn’t this. A short, chubby woman with greying, once brown hair and wrinkles around her eyes and lips from laughing. At the moment, though, her lips were turned down, chastising Nick for being late. He could tell from the twinkle in her eyes that she meant no harm by it. 

“Sorry. A certain someone was taking forever getting reading but we brought a peace offering so don’t go too hard on him,” Nick offered with a smile. 

She tutted in response and shook her head. “Go help your sister set the table.” He did as he was asked, leaving John alone with her. “And you,” she said, pointing a finger at him, “can follow me.” They made their way to the kitchen and he put the brownies on the counter where she pointed. “So, what’s your name?”

Surely Nick told her right? “John…”

“Yes, dear, I know. Your last name.”

“Hancock.” She fixed him with a look he knew too well. It was the ‘there’s no way your name is John Hancock’ look. Normally, he would’ve held his head high and stayed true to his word but maybe that wasn’t the best idea in this case. “It’s McDonough.”

She nodded and hummed quietly. “I can see why you wouldn’t want to share that. Wretched man that mayor.” She turned back to her cooking and continued speaking. “Sounds like Ellie and Nicky and done setting the table. Go take a seat, will you. Dinner will be out soon.” 

John bowed out of the room, finding that the table had, in fact, been set and that Nick and Ellie were once again chatting. From the snippets he heard, it seemed like they were talking about him, in fact.

When he coughed to announce his presence Nick jumped up to pull out a seat. “So how’d it go? As scary as you thought it’d be?” he teased as he took the seat beside him. 

“I think it went okay..?” He wasn’t sure honestly. She hadn’t seemed to dislike him at the very least. And she hated his brother too so there was that. 

Ellie laughed and nodded. “Yeah she can seem pretty intimidating but she’s a softy. Didn’t take her long to warm up to Piper.” Seeing the slightly baffled look in their eyes she elaborated. “She came by about a month ago to meet her.”

As if she heard them talking about her, the woman of the house appeared from the kitchen with a couple dishes. Ellie raced off to grab the rest. “Nick, you better feed that boy,” she said as she placed the first dish down. “He’s far too skinny. You have enough money for food, right?”

“Yes, mother. We’re doing just fine.”

“Then how come he’s so thin? You’re eating right? Is he eating?”

“Mother.”

John got the impression he knew how Nick had gotten his chub now. He also got the overwhelming feeling that he was safe here; that he was home.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“They were supposed to be released yesterday,” Nick whined, sitting upside down on the couch, legs swung over the back and head hanging toward the floor. “What if I didn’t get in? I know my grades were pretty shit back in highschool but I was dealing with a lot of shit okay? It’s not my fault. And it’s been years!”

Nick massaged his fingers into his temple, desperately trying to read his book. “We’ve talked about this before. You’ll get in.”

John flipped over so he was sitting normally again. “But what if I don’t? What if nobody accepts me? What if I’m doomed to work at Spencer’s the rest of my life?”

“Then I’ll have to get a better job.”

He got a groan in reply. “I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation, Nicky!”

John’s phone buzzed in his pocket and Nick blew out some smoke before gesturing in his general direction. “Might want to check that.”

There was no need to tell him as he was already unlocking it and reloading his mail app. “Come on, come on…” There was silence. Enough that Nick actually turned to look to find his boyfriend gaping at the screen.

“So?”

He looked up, eyes wide, to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. “I got in… I’m going to college!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick and John sat side-by-side in the dog park on one of the rare weekends they got to spend only with each other. There was no work or pesky projects looming over them so they actually had a chance to relax and they certainly weren’t wasting it.

Columbo hopped around the park and John leaned against his boyfriend’s chest, enjoying the weight of his arm around his shoulder. They sat mostly in silence - as they spent most of their time now - except for the occasional exclamation when John saw a cute dog he’d never seen before. 

“You know,” Nick began, eyes following their dog. “In a couple years you’ll be out of college and then you can get a real job and real money.”

Hancock nodded. “That’s the hope anyways. Or else all those extra hours you’re putting in to help pay for this are kinda going to waste, sorry.”

“Alright, hear me out. What if we get married after you finished college? I know you’re not a big fan of the idea but it’ll be a couple years until that happens and I love you, John. I want to know I’ll be yours forever.”

There was silence and Nick mentally beat himself up for being it up. He knew it was a touchy subject. He shouldn’t have- “Maybe.” It wasn’t a yes, but god damn, it wasn’t a no either. That was progress. And you know what? He’d take it. 

“If it were anyone else I wouldn’t even think of it, but you… You’re special, Nick. So for you, maybe.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had been dreaming about this for years. When they had met neither had been very well off. They’d been a mess of drugs and self-doubt and low-funds but they’d made it. And in a way, this was the way they were showing it to the world. 

As John stepped on to the stage to claim his diploma Nick started crying and didn’t fully stop until the ceremony was over and he had John in his arms again. 

“Why are you crying?” he asked with a laugh as he wiped the tears from his boyfriend’s cheeks, a wide smile spread on his own face. “We finally did it! We’re here! You’re supposed to be happy remember?”

Nick joined in the laughter, taking a step back. “You’re right. I’m just… I’m so proud of you, John. I can’t believe we’re actually here.”

John kissed his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his neck. “Well we are. We can finally do everything we’ve been dreaming about. I’m gonna be a teacher! You know, once I find a job and all that. Might have to do something about the hair and piercings, huh? That’s a bit of a bummer, but it’ll all be worth it.” He was rambling at this point and didn’t notice at first that Nick had ducked from his arms and was digging in his pocket. “Wait, what’re you doing?”

Nick knelt down at one knee, opening the ring box with a blush and nervous smile. “I’ve had this for a while and I didn’t know when the right time would be but I figure this is a new beginning and if we’re already doing new things…” He took a moment and coughed before looking up and meeting John’s eyes. “Will you marry me?”

John started laughing, doubling over and kneeling down in front of Nick. “Oh my god Nicky, are you nervous?” The blush got worse. “You’re ridiculous. Of course I’ll marry you.” 

They only noticed the crowd that had gathered when they started clapping as Nick slid the ring on his fiancés finger and pressing a kiss to his lips. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick knocked on the thick wooden door of his husband’s classroom, opening it a crack to peek in. He’d meant to show up right as school got out for the LGBT club meeting but, well, he’d gotten a bit lost in the school. Seeing John sitting at his desk, staring at the computer screen wiped away his insecurities about accidentally walking into the wrong place. 

As the door closed with a healthy thud behind him, John looked up, face instantly lighting up. “Nick! I was starting to get worried!” 

“Sorry, Mr. Valentine. Got caught up in something,” he replied, both laughing at that. It still felt weird to say it still. John Valentine. Nick didn’t think he’d ever get used to that. When he reached his husband’s desk he leaned over to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

Some of the students in the room while a couple groaned, yelling, “PDA!” 

John stood, brushing past Nick to address the club. “Hey everyone, I want to introduce you to my husband, Nick. Someone want to tell him how we do introductions?” he asked as he sat on the floor, joining the pre-existing circle. Nick followed suit.

Immediately someone jumped into the explanation. “We say our name, our grade - or in your case maybe your age -, and what pronouns you use.”

Before Nick had a chance to speak another kid was talking and she looked suspiciously like Piper. His eyes caught John’s who nodded. Oh boy. “And we’re talking about coming out stories.”

“Alright. So my name’s Nick Valentine, I’m… old, and I use he pronouns. Let’s see… I don’t think coming out was a really big deal for me. As some of you may have noticed, I’m missing an arm. I figured out I was bisexual about 3 years after that happened and I was really worried about telling my mom and sister. I think most people are. They could tell something was up when I asked to talk to them and when I told them they were relieved actually. I think my sister said something about assuming I’d lost a foot or something this time.” Everyone applauded politely and he turned to John. “So have you shared your story yet, Mr. Teacher?”

John stuck out his tongue but they both knew he secretly loved it. “I have actually. They offered to fight my brother for me. We’re gonna go protest him and everything. Shaun’s making t-shirts.”

Nick chuckled. “Well they’ll have to fight him after me. I called dibs years ago.”

“That so?” Nick replied with a muffled ‘mhmm’ before sharing another kiss with his husband. 

“PDA!” the same kid as earlier groaned. “It’s no fair that you guys get to do it and we don’t.”

Nat shoved his shoulder. “Shh! This story’s about them, not us. Let them be happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this story has been an absolute blast! I love all the support and love I’ve gotten for it so thank you all so much! That said, it’s time for it to come to an end. I have no plans to abandon the AU or ship and will continue posting to Mallout.tumblr.com but this fic has become more like a chore to write than a treat so I wanted to bring it to a real, proper ending.  
> If you’ve made it this far, I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much a I enjoyed writing it and I’d love to hear what you thought of it now that all’s said and done if you feel like sharing. And make sure to send your love to Valencock.tumblr.com for all his great art and if you want to follow me on tumblr, my username’s 60-minuteman


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